Lancet

2010-09-08T05:34:00.001+08:00

It was so stupid of me to screw everything up.. I wanted you so badly and i was desperate...

I dont know what to say honestly. I know the world pretty much hates me and stuffs, But i will try all means to win you back.. I never knew, How important you are, Till i was prove. Yes i over reacted at times, Yes i was desperate. I'm sorry, I know you mind those little details. I love you so very much words.. Just dont quite fit in. I know your afraid of what the world says, Dont worry... Just rest on me i'll be there and we can ignore the world.. Heh who am i kidding... I love you so badly.. Your feelings are fading by the second.. I dont know who to turn to.. God? He doesnt really help. I've tried approaching your mother, She simply ignored me.. What's a man to do.. Please.. Just come back to me.. you mean everything to me...

2010-09-08T05:34:00.000+08:00

2010-09-01T14:48:00.002+08:00

No one has to get caught up in this, It's all my fault.
good bye everyone, It was fun knowing you, please pretend you never knew me.

Nicole, If you ever wake up and happen to come my blog well.. This is for you

Remember how we started out? I was interested in you too back then, but i didnt say a word, I later got up the courage to talk to you and get to know you, back then i had a special feeling like no other, I felt i knew you for ages, I felt the need to protect you and keep you warm in my arms. You and i started to talk and stuffs and finally got out. Remember how you gave me heart shapes whenever i pass your class? To be honest, It makes me smile whenever i walk away. You didnt know how little things you do affects me in the greatest ways ever. Maybe you loved me and lost it, Maybe it was a moment of affliction for you. I wouldn't know, But i do know i love you whole heartedly. How about the time you stayed over my house. The way you and i snuggled. It was great. Everything about you, I love it. I've quarreled with you numerous times, To be honest, Most of it was my fault. But you gave in to me. I'm sorry and thank you. You were the best. You deserve better someone better then me. I was often moody and had to go through lots of shit. Regarding the gang matter. I've been trying to get out of it. But in moments i will be. I wont blame you or anything, I hope you dont blame me for anything too. I love you with all my heart, even though it's bleeding. Every moment with you is a moment i treasure. Good bye. Hope you get well and dont be foolish ever again. I'm not going to give threats anymore...
It's time to end this.

2010-08-31T22:23:00.003+08:00

If only i treated you better, If only i opened up more to you, If only i wasnt so petty. If...
Since it's come to this state. I'm going to finish it, You might think i dont love you and i dont intend to convience you anymore, I already have proven i love you. And i'll do one final deed, offer my life. Good bye. I wont meet you in the afterlife, I'll be in hell while your in heaven.

My final words.

2010-08-31T20:53:00.003+08:00

Alright. This is good bye world.

I thank thee, for being there for me, and having recognition over my final words. As you know of it; I have lost everything. I lost my brothers, I lost my girl, i lost everything. I'm all alone.
My brothers, They all left me. All but one remained. I thank you whole heartedly. With my DnT deadline on 27th August. I was going to not complete in time. I was freaking out and under a great deal of stress due to my personal, Parental and deadline issues. I broke down under stress and i was not aware of my surroundings. My girl, Nicole Quah, believe me of a flirt and a hongster, And tries to prove i'm not loving enough. I guess i wasnt enough. I was thinking, I needed some comfort from her, i wanted her assurance to be there for me. But instead it turned out wrong. She left me. She said she didnt love me. She didnt want me. Now i'm all alone with nothing to lose. The tears keep flowing, It doesnt stop just at then.. To be honest i'm losing my mind. I keep seeing hallucinations. I hear people talking to me. When i look around and i realise i'm all alone. I touch my chest, I feel so comforted... Yet sad that i'm living a life without you. If it's life like this, I rather not have it.. I'm going to do something really drastic.. Because i cant take it no more.. I got it in my face.. You dont love me anymore...
I'm trying my best to amend all i can, But i cant do it alone.. But you left and i'm not allowed to clear my sins and i cant get back what i have.
I thank you all for everything, Even if you said a single hi.. Thank you for having recognition of me. I thank you sincerely, Good bye, It was a blast and a pleasure knowing you. And those with good times, Even if i'm dead.. I will offer my memories, It's all i can do, See you in the afterlife.
I will finish this all, Those that done me wrong in your life and pretend to be unaware, You better run. This is the only warning.
I love you Nicole Quah, My words once won you, My action won you back after that, And now nothing is working; I'm going to offer my life.

And all this; Would be my final words. Good bye.

The weapon is completed, What awaits is blood.

2010-04-06T22:53:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i've posted.

Been studying like a diligent student! Doesn't feels like me though, Oh well.
Anyway studying and stuffs doesn't have much to post about, The ZombieFarm is rather fun and yeah :D

Trying to pick up italian and Tecktonik, I seem to have much trouble with TeckTonik, ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO THE CONSECUTIVE BUTTERFLY?

And yeah, Study study, Going to do the class shirt on Thursday, I might take a photo and post it on the blog :D

2010-03-27T17:54:00.003+08:00

How do you define black and white when both your eyes are closed?

When we do bad deeds we don't think nor hesitate to do it, Yet why is it when we do good deeds we worry and fret so much?

What makes a good person and a bad person? A good person can do bad deeds and a bad person can do good deed, So how do we find out?

With so much lies and deception in the world, Why bother to find the truth?

Today was a busy day, Celebrated, played dota, reading book.

OH AND TAKLING ABOUT BOOK, I'll be busy reading Warcraft Archives, I wont be blogging much now, Bye all :D

Absent

2010-03-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

I didnt go to school today, Had headache and stomachache, And whoa.

-The following contents might be highly disgusting-

MY SHIT WAS DAMN BIG AND ROUND

You should have seen the size of it x.x

Anyway yeah, Today l4d2, dota and well studying,
Nothing much to post about the day. I'll write something meaningful tomorrow, Bye all :D

-off to study-

This sensation of Death

2010-03-24T23:34:00.001+08:00

Ever thought of how some stuff doesn't go your way and you think of a million and one ways to get rid about it?

I used to do so all the time so why is it that i'm not willing to do so now, I feel so used and agitated. Really dont know what to say at times, I guess this is all today

2010-03-23T23:01:00.002+08:00

Alright, Here i am once again.

I'm not really sure about what to type today, Cause yeah, Everything, Wait no. Everything is like a routine, I'm waking up to find it's another day and i'll just do activities and stuffs, And go home finish up the rest and end up dead beat and take a relaxing sleep just to find myself in the same scenario. I'm getting bored of this mundane life.
Get once again I'm having such thoughts. z.

Anyway nothing much happened in school as usual, I kept agitating Mr Singh, I only detested him at first, But now i hate him. Seriously.
I like the new time table too!, Their much shorter and well, Lessons seems somewhat interesting.
I should give myself a clap too, I understood my chemistry, And physics was summarizing everything by a test, Which allowed me to study parts i don't understand, Yay!

Oh and there's Roti prata in school now, It's 1 for 50c, The prata and curry is... Quite good i think, Not all that good, But above average. Oh and the ingredient for the curry, That green thing. It really really fails. ttm.

Well i have nothing else to say, I guess i'll go study and then get ready for tomorrow.
Oh and there's PE tomorrow, Yay!

It's been so long

2010-03-22T21:10:00.002+08:00

Hey my dear readers, I'm posting once again. My blog has been inactive for a few weeks now, It's time I've posted again, Anyway let's just talk about the holidays to make my post longer yeah?

@ Friday, 12th march

We had cross country on Friday, Didn't go due to obvious reasons. Apparently the only 'Hot' news that happened was that Joshua fainted near the finish line, He didn't get his first place.
Boring, Let's just go on, Well we had a BBQ on that day, I went for DnT for 2 hours and then proceeded to Weilun's house with the food, Then we went off for the BBQ. We had a surplus of food and well it's rather fun, Nothing much to describe.

@ Tuesday ~ Thursday

Went for my DnT during the afternoon, Stayed there till 4+ and yeah.

Oh and my girlfriend stayed over my house for 3D2N too.. Hmmm..

Nothing else much happened, Slacked and played around, Had badminton on saturday, Went to celebrate Jacob's birthday on Sunday

Oh and since we're @ the topic of your birthday, Jacob!
Happy birthday yeah?
Though we had rough time and fun times, I always stood by you
Even though we seem to be further and further, Our brotherhood stood stronger and stronger

But that doesn't change the fact your still lame and sarcastic!

Happy birthday Bro!, hope you enjoyed yourself!

Oh @ Sunday, We were celebrating Jacob's birthday, Woke up with tons of miss calls and messages. Called back, And they told me faster come down, I took 30bucks from AHEM. And i went to Bugis, Cabbed there. Ate seoul garden and walked around, Slacked around everywhere and talked about everything and nothing, Quite meaningful if you asked me.

Let's talk about today now shall we?

Woke up feeling really really tired, I went to school with a heavy leg, I had a new shoes, I like the way i made the shoelace, Oh and i waited @ aljunied mrt as usual, waiting for my girlfriend, Went to school and i went to toliet due to my stomach ache. I later ... blahblahblah.
After assembly i went to hope 3-3 to find someone, But he didnt come to school today ):
blahblahblah
school was boring. End D:

I was suppose to play soccer but they haven't called me ._.
oh well.

I just finished a dota match with Wei jing, Shijie, Jerricks and Jun kai.
Man... How do i describe, I dont know what to say LOL. So yeah, Let's just end here alright?

Thanks for reading!

I hate this

2010-02-05T22:16:00.001+08:00

I woke up early in the morning , Like at 1am , There's like a stupid mosquito intruding on my sleep, Which made me suffer for the night ):

Anyway school was real tiring ):

And well tomorrow will be my 100th day with nicole :D
I love you dear :D

Oh and i'm tired ):

If this doesnt stop...

2010-02-02T21:03:00.002+08:00

Today the bad luck streak continued, Sorry for the frequent short posts. I do not have the time at my hands to post about long stuffs.

Anyway today was rather good till it hit Design and Technology, The teacher reprimanded me for a SMALL LITTLE mistake , Yes i admit i didn't know what you wanted and i went ahead to use the machine. But the fuck, What did you say to me? "I want to bash someone " , As much as i want to reply you "Come only" , I held back and swallowed my pride. You treated yourself as a messiah, so at least behave like one.

It doesn't get any worst then this i guess. I'm going to bath and do my work.
-grumbles-

Disasters

2010-02-01T21:16:00.002+08:00

Today, Is another bad day for me, Tons of bad stuffs happening. I presume it'd be better if i don't type it out but i'm still stressed out , Hope this bad start of the week doesn't affect me

Vengence fuels me on

2010-01-28T22:03:00.002+08:00

I'm becoming vengeful over it , It seems like that time will never stop , Each punches i threw, Each kick i delivered to him. To see him squeal in pain and watch him leave with his injured body. It felt real bad that i lost, Terrible in fact. Why didn't i go all out? Why did i pull my punches? Why did i hold back even after getting reprimanded by them? Why?

Honestly i don't really know.
My girl has been trying real hard to cheer me up, Thanks dear, I love you, I'll be fine alright.

Anyway assignments and school doesn't makes me feel the sense of urgency anymore. It's like everything is for naught. I just want to trash him.
Ignore me please. Anyway, I need to do my assignments, I'll be ending my post here.

Shame is something i live by

2010-01-27T21:57:00.003+08:00

Today was a real tiring day for me , I woke up 6am . Deciding on the fact that i was still tired and i wanted more rest , I went to sleep again , My alarm woke me later . I went to bath and my ankle hurts like hell , Not to mention my elbow .

For you guys wondering why i was injured , It was not the fight . I repeat , NOT THE FIGHT . The scratch marks were though , Proves Marc can leave marks of sissy-ness . Anyway , My ankle and leg was injured due to falling down of steps , It still hurts up to now , Praying it'd be gone tomorrow

Had chemistry test today , I hope i fare well in the test , I haven't been studying , Out to slack , Restless due to the fight and tired for no apparent reasons .

Oh and on an important note , For those of you whom doesn't want to be my friend , Don't freaking put a mask in front of me . If you hate me , Just tell me , You can side with him for all i care . Names not stated . But yeah , I made a decisions , After February this shit doesn't change , Enjoy my attitude for the whole year yeah ? :D

Anyway i'm still down on the fact i lost the fight . Dont be a bastard , Thanks all .

-

I hope every morning , That my day will go smooth
I struggle every afternoon , That my stress will fade

I wonder every evening , Whether my day was wasted
I pray every night , That it will all end soon

Looking upon the sky , How vast and wide
Looking upon the earth , How sturdy and brittle at the same time

Looking upon others , I see their imperfections

Looking upon myself , I see despair in everything

The past was filled with Regrets , Remorse and Sorrow
The present is flooded with Duties , Assignments and Responsibility
The future ensured with a Death

I say that i'm god
Yet i'm no where near anywhere

I boast that i'm good
Yet i bring no talents nor skills
I pride in my achievements
Yet they failed me all the time

Now i wonder , What use am i of ?
What can you do for me ?
What is this world for , What is the purpose of life ?
But for now , I just want to lay back ..
Lie down and stare into space

Drifting off in amazement over everything

I miss you , Yet time forbids me to be with you

I want to hold you , Yet we have a barrier in between us

I want to be in your presence , Yet you seem so near yet so far
Presented with such misfortunes , I just hope that all bodes well
For both , Me and you

Fuck this

2010-01-26T22:46:00.003+08:00

To that passerby who tagged on my blog , Your a real fucked up bitch you know , And i get the feeling it's you Ron(THINK) . You might think it's a joke but i don't take losing lightly , I'll blame myself every night just for this match

As you all predicted , I lost the match , Not due to strength or techniques . Marc was utterly pathetic in fighting . His full force punches were weaker then Johnson's tapping and his kicks were a great deal of failure , Worst of all . He claimed victory and left . And i didnt even fell down wtf .

I'm feeling really agitated about this but i cant do anything . I'm just glad i have great brothers by my side to comfort me during this shitty situations ): . Thanks bros .

& went to slack later @ night , Took some photos , Weilun will update them pretty soon , Check it out in facebook

It was so big of a joke i cant ignore it

2010-01-24T21:55:00.003+08:00

Daily blogging helps English !

Well i cant remember much i did today , But well , I've been studying and i got acquainted to a few words that would prove to me meaningful for me in the near future perhaps

Something hilarious happened! This loser named Marc, Called me and started shouting at me, Telling me his unhappy with me and wanted a fight with me. I gladly obliged to his request as i wanted to hit him since a long time. Anyway i got agitated by his constant bickering that i decided to shout back. He got frightened and talked softly , What a JOKE. I really cant stand his inanity . It's beyond imaginable. Too Funny for words! Oh well like lamb to the slaughter, His going to have his turn this week. If he doesn't drop his balls on the way again (:

Bye all!

Life rocks when you have great brothers

2010-01-18T18:28:00.002+08:00

I dont have much of a time due to my studies and stressful life , Let's just make it brief .

Here's some photos yeah , i know they arent much but it's been sometime since i added colours here .

Those were the days i had my long dyed hair , sad it's gone now , anyway , Yeah the 2nd one is a photo of me at Seoul garden with chenwei , gerard , jacob , harry , weilun and yunhui . We ate and slacked later , Meaning talks we had .

My routine is planned and well , There's so much activities i forgot about rest ! hahaha! , Oh well let's just try to enjoy , Monday - friday , Rush studies and endure , Sat - Outing , Sun - rest / out with family .
Didnt have much to post about so yeah , Oh yeah ! , I won all the pool matches i had today , it's about 10 ~ 15 matches too O: . Whoohooo :D .
Anyway rather agitated at some people in our class , Sometime really wish to kick their face but oh well .

Anyway , Thanks bros for always being there for me , Even though you rip on me , Like some faggot who hit my ear named jacob LOL . And it hurts ): , Got a ballball at my ear ):

School's just as it is

2010-01-11T21:28:00.001+08:00

With all the activities and planning coming up , i pretty much doubt i'd have the time to blog , And yeah , My life is really really busy . Congratulations to all those O's student who did well (:

I was proven to be a leader

2010-01-06T21:55:00.002+08:00

I'm real tired so let's get straight to the point , today was quite an interesting day , The instructor Elgin was real funny and yeah , Some stupid stuffs happened

1 - Me and chenwei was late as we went out eat , Then we went back very very late , then he ask us to say sorry , So we did , And then he went to on OneRepublic's Apologize , It was hilarious

2 - Found out that i was the 'leader & organizer' type of person

3 - did bunch of stupid games

4 - talk cock . HAHAHAH C:

Oh and i'm wearing tuxedo tomorrow , I'll post some pictures ! C:

The start of a new life

2010-01-04T05:56:00.002+08:00

The starting huh ? I dont like it , It doesnt correspond with my luck . Everything is shitty , The family , The quarrels everything . But yeah , I'm going to have in a few hours , And it looks like it's going to rain , Let's just pray that it doesnt . And worst of all i didnt sleep , It's 5am and god . My throat kept agitating me . I'm really tired of all this bullshits , Let me free please ):
See you all tomorrow . Brothers , Friends & Foes . On the bright side it cant get any suckier then it is now

Fuck my life , Fuck my hair , Fuck this world

2010-01-02T20:34:00.004+08:00

And my fucking hair is short again .

I really hate the turn of events happening to me , It was suppose to be a pleasant day , No , A pleasant start of the year and yet everything become fucking sucky . Nice start for 2010 , Bad karma instantly . fuck .

I was peacefully sleeping when my brother woke awoke me and my second brother ,

1 : oldest brother
2 : 2nd

1 : Wake up wake up
-me and second brother woke up-

1 : papa angry again
-i went back sleep-
2 : what the fuck you do now
1 : you know the iphone i pass to biaobiao right(oldest cousin)
2 : Why you give him the iphone for

so on la , So yeah , here's the whole story

problem : Iphone , didnt inform + fucking naggings

Story : The iphone originally belonged to my father but then my brother used it , When my brother stopped using it , my father wanted to sell it but my brother wanted to keep it for sentimental value . My father agreeed , So my father kept it somewhere for a long time , My father took it out to charge one day , and my brother took the iphone and gave my cousin as a birthday present , without my father's consent , When my father asked , he said my mother knew , Then my mother said it was there (knowing my brother gave to my cousin) . Today , My father somehow found out that my brother gave the iphone to my cousin and my mother was covering it up , he blew his top and disowned my oldest brother . FFS you guys are suppose to be adults .

Father's point of view :
He took the iphone without my consent , it's expensive and everyone lied about it , I think about it and get angry . i'm going to smash that IPhone when it gets back

Getting angry is okay , cause this is really stupid , But then fucking dumb , angry one whole day + kpkb and drag in people , really wtf ?

Mother's point of view :

I did nothing wrong and got dragged into this , Let him vent his anger , dont quarrel in the family better

In the first place you know he will like that dont give the fucking iphone la . 1 iphone cause so much problem

Oldest brother point of view :

just an iphone you need to overreact or not , at most i buy lah .

For your info , Your the fucking whole cause of this , I didnt say anything cause i didnt want to rub into the wound but your stupidity really never cease to amaze me . You do and say stuffs that you regret eventually , and you like to cause discomfort to others for your own personal pleasure , Ever wondered why ral dont like you ? Cause you fucking force stuffs on people , Look at me , Youngest , I tolerate your bullshit nvm , when we're young i wear your clothes and ral's clothes , I no new clothes , Sua nvm . But i got complain like fuck like you ? Remember when you wanted a psp and you got it immediately ? I wanted a god damn gameboy advance and i waited 6 months fucking hell . You already get the point of it , But i dont know why the fuck you like to cause problems , reflect on it yourself cause seriously , you never learn .

I'm really really .. i dont know , sad ? , Why the fuck does adults tell us to mature when they themselves behave like kids ? , Look at me , I mean come on , I dont whine about small things , I know the value of money and i dont fucking make stupid mistakes , Yet you guys are still doing so , I dont want to side with anyone but really . Fuck this day , This is going to be a sucky year and i can feel it .

& fuck my hair

Spiderman , Spiderman , Look out! , It's spiderman!

2010-01-01T12:12:00.008+08:00

I love this pictures ! , This happened in the drama chalet , And yeah , That's the uhh.. door to our chalet ? , Ryan took the photos for me and yeah , 1st floor climbed to second , real fun and hard , The thing was very hard to step on and grab , x.x

28-31th december .

28th December

Nicole came my house in the morning waiting to go to drama chalet , They had a last second change of plans so from 11am meeting time it became 3pm @ pasir ris mrt . She played L4d2 while i went to prepare and i dont know x.x

-2.30pm-

i went to prepare my clothes and bathed , Those last second stuffs . Took off together with nicole towards pasir ris .

Upon arrival , I told nicole it was okay to be late , Cause i doubt anyone will be on time , We saw only Ryan , Kaijie , Elson , Dayna , Yanting there . Expected x.x , Anyway weikang came later , We proceeded to the arcade to play

P.s. , They were there since 11am x.x

We went to find the rest at Cold storage ... blahblahblah, It was real boring . We waited till idk what time then we left white sands

Took a bus ... walked like wtf .. waited at reception .. went to the room .. slack and blahblahblah .

okay you know what ? I'll just say the nice parts i remember

-Drinking college- ( some board game )

Had a drink and couple of laughs , Rather interesting and fun

- Games @ beach -

Omg did you know pasir ris beach is freaking flithy , There's like dead fishes and rubbish all over , Singaporeans , Tsktsk , lazy to throw stuff then anyhow throw , The fish was giving off an odour , there were big ones and small ones , Kinda sympatize for them . You litterbugs caused a few lifes , You dudes and dudettes sucks .

We played simple games at the pavement , running and concentration games , Oh well fun fun xD

- Swimming -

There was like jakuzzi(spelling fail i know) , And well ball and frisbee . fun too x.x

- Accident -

me and keng hao was playing soccer and i accidently kicked to the roof x.x , So i went to take it , I must climb out of the second floor window and climb to the top , Kah heng wanted to help me but i guess his afraid of heights or something , But it's real nice , The feeling when your stepping on the tiles , It feels like your going to fall any second , Really nice feeling & there were several balls up there too , I guess the previous people threw it up accidently too , it was fun up there C: , Great view of the area too!

- Night games -

We had fun night games like 'Ghost in the graveyard' , I went to climb in the 2nd floor lol , it's real fun yeh ? And so on so forth

- trekking -

We went into the forest to explore , Real fun , but nothing much . Oh & i'm not being racist but bangala(s) , blend into the shadow , We were walking inside , then i was infront with kahheng beside me then i heard infront got people sitting down , I thought it was one when kh shine the torch on him . When we walked close they made noise again then kh shine them again . I was like WTF SO MANY PEOPLE , The seats were filled up and the floor had people sitting down . wtf right ? LOL.

-sleeping time-

I had fun sleeping with my girlfriend C: , Holding her in my arms and hugging all night long

There's nothing much paticular this year , Kinda regret but oh well . Had fun & stupid times .
Oh and i saw yong xin @ cheers there O: , Then she never see me , nub eyes of hers xD

I guess that's all . Bai all x.x

&& happy rawr year

2009-12-28T00:02:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow got chalet x.x
Drama chalet
Dates : 28 - 31 dec
Days : monday - thursday

I'll be away so yeah , if there's a need to contact me , find me @ 90105111

True friends

2009-12-24T20:59:00.006+08:00

@ photos , me eating O: (kinda obvious ._. )

Today will be an unforgettable day . Cause yeah . I went out with my Brothers . Let's start from the morning . I slept in real late . and yeah , was tired . In the morning my father threw fan on the bed and blahblah , went to make lots of noise then i couldnt sleep , so i got pissed and went to the toliet to wash up my face . I went out still feeling a little dizzy and tired , I sat on the bed and streched myself . I took my psp and phone , I wanted to use the toliet in my room , but my dad was doing the fan so sua . I went into my father's room toliet , When i switched on my psp , i was shocked to see my screen crack , I panicked and wonder if the software problem or screen crack , then i go troubleshoot and found the error was in the screen . I went out of toliet and told my dad . Later i went to bath and went out with my brother and parents . Went to beach Road to eat & got my brother's army stuffs done . Then after doing so , They dropped my brother off at bugis while we went to Sim lim to check what's the price for my repair on the psp screen , My father threw the stupid fan on it one . ._. . Anyway , I went to check then later i was late for the pool outing , so i say i go off first . So i went off first . I rushed to grandlink & met James , King yan and weijing . & king yan grew really really tall x.x , and he got 8 packs too D: . We were waiting for jacob , chenwei and harry . I dialed harry but he kup my phone , so i presume he wasnt coming . Anyway as i went in , AFTER WATIING SO LONG FOR THEM . They finally reached , we wanted to pay deposit first . But they dont let so nevermind . We kup money first , then later gave my ic then we went play . Quite fun , wont go into details . After that chenwei left for his work . (king yan and james backed out cause of their family stuffs) , and we played a little then left . Then slack a little while , And later weijing left , so i went to get my dinner and Harry and jacob accompany me , so i went to eat and went home after that . Jacob's still waiting for his picture so yeah , Time to post . I'll go download songs now , Oh and let's mention stuffs !

Today's post is a little special , I would like to share with the world TRUE FRIENDS

Brothers forever .

this noob here , Is Gerard , His good in a dance named "popping" . And yeah , His a good guy . Sensible rather . Although nothing much to say x.x , Lets learn from each other sometime soon yeah :D

This first gay here , Is my brother , His Chenwei .
We didnt start off as great friends but rather disliking each other for personal reasons . We later got together pretty well . Chenwei is a good brother who will stand by my side and yeah joke around , His steady and well . His character is that of a joker . Sometime when i reflect on it i'll smirk to myself , His pretty funny at times but yeah . I'll be there for him as his there for me , that's what brothers are for ! , & I had funny times with him @ WildWildWet rofl

This faggot here , His name is Jacob , His my Bestfriend / Brother , Yeah pretty cool looking guy right ? meh your wrong , I'm cooler then him (ahem bhb lol) . Anyway yeah . I got to know jacob right off sec 4 , we hit off the road , went out often and stuffs . So yeah . I went out with him and had our thick and thin . Lots of stupid memory but yeah . Here's the thing about jacob , He likes to be a fucking moron at times , But yeah LOL . I dont really like it but oh well . He'd reap what he sow soon >:3

This asshole here , His name is Ron , Probably the best fighter i've known in my badge . He was my classmate since sec 1 but yeah , Stuffs didnt work out for him . Anyway he is fun to be around and he likes to crack stupid jokes at inappropriate times . His a good friend and he likes to yeah , i dont know laugh like mad . He has musical talents too (Girls go for him! , Wait dont , later he scold me LOL) , anyway ! He helps me and yeah , I'll help him with whatever i can . Offer our assitance to each other blahblah .

This loser here , Is Yunhui! , Aka yh , His really really really freaking annoying at times but he knows what he is he doing , He likes to joke around and yeah hang out and blahblah , He gets to ... Yeah , I guess yh is really ordinary x.x , But in my heart his still my bro , Funny and yeah . steady . :D . Lots of memory with him though , Lots of stupid stuffs too LOL

This idiot here , Is harry . He likes to behaves weirdly at time , But lol , all the same . His rather good in stuffs he does o.o , He gets the grip of stuffs and carrys on . He likes to joke around and he is good in soccer O: . Harry is a hairy guy nehnenhnehnehhhhh , His so going to punch me for that LOL . So yeah , See you soon bro C:
& I SAVED YOU FROM THAT VICIOUS CAT BY SPITTING ON IT , YOU BETTER REPAY ME SOME DAY , BUY ME LUNCH :D

One thing about Secondary school friends , Their the friends that follow you for the rest of your life , Their the kind of friends whom have no motive to be with you , Their the kind that are willing to sacrifice for you , Most importantly , Their always there for you . They are my Brothers . I wont step down if i see my brother in peril . I will help them to the end . And yeah , People out there should start finding trustworthy friends . Cause i already have mine , I'm contended C:

It's a bird , It's a plane , Oh no , it's just the 'fast' passing time

2009-12-20T22:34:00.005+08:00

Time really flies , It's been 4 years since i last came into GMSS . The things i've experienced and felt , The times i had and everything , The thrill , exhilaration and all , Now it's .. I dont know .
My friends are leaving GMSS , So yeah , I wish you well in your future endeavours wherever you guys are parts and parcel of my life .
In sec 1 , I did a whole bunch of pure stupid stuffs . Jumping off 2nd story just so to save time , Go find trouble with a big bunch of sec 4 and 3 and yeah . Causing problems and so on so forth
In sec 2 , I was a little anti social , It was amusing as a whole year though .
Gah , I dont want to elaborate . I know that yeah , This was a great year as a whole

I feel very very .. I dont know man i miss you guys like wtf already ):

Today , I woke up at Yesterday's 9am , YESTEDAY . I didnt sleep 24 hours+ and i'm feeling damn shag ):
Then yeah , today didnt do much , Played psp , Play pokemon , Play l4d 2 , And yeah , Had tons of salmon today , Ate at sumo restaurant , Their japanese food daaaaaaamn nice C: , Yeah , Bad stuffs today dont want say , But i'm glad to have my bros LOL .
Damn siaaaaan
my girl is suppose to be home today , she still havent contact me , worried sick ):

Exploding sense of happiness and joy

2009-12-18T20:41:00.003+08:00

LETS TALK ABOUT PICTURES SHALL WE !

The 2 pictures of me was for testing my phone camera function C:
The noodles one was from taiwan , My brother brought back , DAMN NICE

The first one was me and yh

AGIHDAIOHAIUHBNAIUEDBNHOIUEAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY GUESS WHAT READERS . I GOT INTO SEC 5 EVEN THOUGH I SUCKED o.o

English - b3
Science - b4
Maths - b3
combine humanites - b4

Design and Technology - b3

Chinese & (C) oral - UNGRADED

Lol , 2 parts ungraded still get to sec 5 ^^V
DAMN HAPPY , WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS MY JOY .
I didnt sleep well last night , So i wore a shirt and hopefully that comforts me , I managed to sleep finally at 6 , Woke up in the morning with a few smses , But i didnt reply due to the fact that i was kind of in a moody state , I was having the mind set " I'm going to die , Just prepare rather then to find out and explode in sadness " , So yeah , Ruined my morning and afternoon . I got ready my OH-SO-LONG-NEVER-WEAR-UNIFORM . Then styled my hair and prepare to go out , I was meeting ron at 1.30 , then i was eatting my lunch meanwhile . I was eating halfway when ron told me he was reaching , So i told my grandma to keep first , i come home then make 'hot' and then i'll eat . I brushed my teeth and went out . I was thinking to myself . What will happen , Where will i go , So on so forth , The thought scares the crap out of me .
Anyway i sat outside library waiting for jacob and ron , Ron came much later cause i told him to take his time . But doesnt really matter . We went to ah boon then talk a little while ron was eating , Jacob came soon after . We waited for ron to finish and then we went off to 105 to find cw , harry and yh . They were slacking there waiting for us . Anyway we went there and talk while waiting for gerard , But he overslept so the 6 of us went to school . We went to toliet and i took a 'last' photo in school uniform , We headed upstairs and sat down while they talk about our 'future' . We sat there while i pondered to myself . What will i become , What will my future be ? , I know my results are bad , Crap bad .
When it was finally time to take , I thought to myself , Shit i'm screwed . I totally gave up on my 'positive' thoughts , Anyway , I continued waiting anixiously for my turn , When i saw ah ben got his one and he had to retain , I said to myself , What the fuck , Ah ben need retain i how sia .
Cause his results used to be better then mine , I got scared crapless and thought " Only a miracle can save me now " . And when jacob went to take , Miss ho the principle came to talk to me , I said that i was nervous as only 20 from my class can promote , Which my class has 30++ people , And from prelim marks , I was the bottom 10 , Then missho said i was mistaken , It's top 16 who gets to sec 5 . This thought shattered all my confidence , Then it was up to me to go up , Oh and before that i was discussing with jacob whether to retain or not , Cause abit 'fang bu qi' , So i decided if i cant i'll retain . I see miss wong laughing and mdm doo say " HAIZ WEN YONG AH " , I instant wanted to bang my head on table and shed a tear . But i saw promoted , THEN I SHOUTED "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Into mdm doo and miss wong faces . They were shocked man , So was i OMG . I WENT SEC 5 YAAAAY LOL :D
I am Jeston yeo! The man of miracles !

I WAS DAMN EPIC FREAKING HAPPY , I bet the top 16 , i in 16th position , LOL . But my results quite good , But 2 ungraded LOL .
anyway yeah , Talked to mister gage and mr kang , DAMN HAPPY . But then some of my brothers leaving me , Sian sia ... So yeah . No matter where we are , We're forever brother

Jacob

Yun hui

Chen wei

Gerard

Harry

Ron

Doesnt matter how far we're apart , Our hearts our still connected . So yeah . I wish you well in your future endeavours . I dont want to post about after school stuffs . DAMN RETARDED LOL .
So yeah , I'm ending here . Yay me for my B's :D

-missing you my girl-

Ugly truth

2009-12-17T21:35:00.004+08:00

As you all know , Tomorrow is the day they release the results for Nlevel , some of my classmates have been contacted to ask their parents to come along while some others like me didnt . From what i know from my brother is that students whom receive calls to their parents will get promoted , Most probably , I hope that , That isnt the case however . I really wish i can go sec 5 , I dont know if it's my friend , It's poly or just the senery i'm missing , But there's a wish i really could go back there , I know all this while i've been making promises to improve but i'm still attempting to get better in my acadamic results . I hope that i will get my chance .
I didnt really try to think about it but almost every minute the thought comes back to strike me , I just pray man , It's been a sucky year , Dont make it worst .

I hope that nothing goes wrong
like how stuffs always do
Continue life as it is
Without worries nor fret

I slept in real late last night , Was telling jokes to megan and playing gundam with my brother , was really really cool! Hell , Double 0 riser is really really epic ! Damn fun too
Kept trashing my brother LOL , The GM particles and the quantization was really really epic , Not to mention it's movements , attacks and features . So darn cool . so yeah . I guess that's all

Pray to the sky , Hope they listen
Pray to the gods , Hope they grant
Pray to the teachers , Hope they understand
Pray to myself , Prepare to die

Oh well , In this world self reliance is the best , God doesnt exist , Thusforth i'm god myself

I'm God

2009-12-16T19:15:00.003+08:00

The flower blooms , My heart is broken
I drink one after another , So i can forget you

People changes overtime , I dont know why , I dont see why
Yet i still cling on to the past , Suffering in the present , Wondering about my future
The future promised me more excitement and thrills , What happened ?

Am i going back to square one ?
Is my life going back to nothingless?
Am i losing everything i worked for ?

NO !
I wont let it end like this , My friends , My foes .
I dont care which side your on , I know my part .

There was a saying that goes :
If you want to take down your enemy , Be his friend

Was that what you were trying to accomplish ?
Were you doing nothing but make me suffer ?
I'm fine by that , I dont care not more .

All i know is that , I still got my friends .
That's another thing about my friends

Either their leaving me , Hating
Or else their feeling down .
I really really hope that i can be there for everyone

Well screw all this .
I dont care about all this hypocripsy
I dont care about your lies
I dont care about what you think about me
Screw yours sins and life . I'm God .
I will show everyone that that i am the best
If you dont want to be with me , Then fuck off
My brothers , My friends , My loved ones ,
They all agree with me , So screw you if you think your going to affect me

I will reign supremacy over all .
To my friends and bro , I'm always there for you guys
Dont worry yeah .
To those that betray me and show me their true self
Fuck you . Fuck off .

Today is a boring day ):

wanted to excercise but when i did my 2nd handstand pushup my balance slipped and i fell headfirst and i got giddy , Then my vision blured for hours o.o
sian ):
And my girl's still at bangkok ... miss her ):

Hated

2009-12-15T17:01:00.002+08:00

I'm going to blog again , I dont know why .

The holidays are rather boring and my lazy bones are kicking in , I've been lazing around and playing computer games for one whole day , For everyday . I love my current hairstyle , I havent tried with wax yet , But i bet it will look nice , And yeah , Rather bored at the current of events .

My girl went bangkok ,Take care yourself alright , Love you .

People started hating me , I dont know why , I want to know but i guess it's better to left some stones unturned then to find out that their unreasonable , So i'm going to let stuffs slide and well , If you want to hate me go ahead , I dont blame you , Cause my past sins are unforgivable .

I've been wondering about what i want , And so on so forth , Oh and the Nlevel results are coming out on the 18th , Friday . Hope i can go sec 5 , even if i cant , oh well .
But if i go sec 5 i need to work hard and i cant play much anymore , Not much time . But yeah , I regret living sometime , Is my sole purpose of existence to cause misery to those around me ? , I dont know what to think anymore , This sucks .
FML.

2009-11-29T15:06:00.008+08:00

Happy 1st month for me and Nicole :D

You know you know , 1st moooonnnttthh (:
Happy :D

I love you , Nicole with all my heart
I'm willing to sacrifice anything for you
I'll always be there for you
Be it to protect , support or love you
I'll do everything in my power to love you
Dont worry about anything ,
Cause i reside in your heart (:

Boo!

I love you , Happy first month dear (:

Baibai all :D

2009-11-22T16:56:00.000+08:00

It's been a few weeks since my class chalet , Nothing much happening lately

I love my nicole

I've took up breakdancing , Learning 6 steps , windmill and air swipes , Got the hang of it , Just not really that nice yet :X

Anyway that's all i guess ,Bye readers :D

2009-11-09T19:55:00.003+08:00

Back from my 3D2N chalets ! :D

I'd like to thank some people and apprieciate the things that happen

Firstly let's thank some people

Ruiting - For doing the food , drinks and booking

Michelle

Chen wei

Yun hui

James

Wei jing

Gerard

Alan

Jacob

Well they attended for both the chalet and bbq making it much more meaningful for me to be there . I would like to apprieciate the fact that despite the fact at starting organizing seems to be a real drag and everything seems down , Everything worked out better then great !

Time to talk about the pictures ! :D
After the pictures , We'd talk about the events from start .

The first picture was the pool/basketball/soccer mini game , Rather lame but had an enjoyable time for it , Thanks goes to Yunhui and Chenwei for the mini game .

I like the 2nd picture , Looks very immatured yet looks really really funny ! Jiayou chenwei , miss that shot! :X

The 4th one is me when i'm shooting , I need to concentrate lesser man LOL

The 5th one is really really epic , If you take notice , Yunhui is the only person i know who points a middle finger while eating :X

7th was at mac , Realise how alan always makes stupid faces LOL

2nd last one , Brothers for life sia LOL

Alright it's the shocking truth of what you all have been waiting for !

I didnt get to sleep , I slept at 5am , had trouble sleeping , Then woke up 10am , I prepared all my last second stuffs , talked to nicole and webcamm-ed with her , Then later i went to bath , After bathing alan called me and told me he was there with weijing already , So i asked them to wait there i'll rush down , so i took my hat and shades , said goodbye to nicole and went to the Aljunied MRT . I met them at the railings and sat at talked to them , We waited for James , Chen wei and yunhui , Then james came down but yet chen wei and yunhui havent , So i dialled chenwei and ask where he was and faster come down , waited even more yet havent arrive , so i called again and he assured me 10 or 20 minutes , cant remember .

And when they arrive , Our journey officially started !

We got into the mrt and then waited for the train , They all got in , then wtf , My bag and me requires quite an amount of space which at that time DONT HAVE , So bo bian , wait next train , I called james and ask him to ask them want to wait for me for the next train or want meet pasir ris first , But halfway james kap the phone , dont know for what , then sua lorh , So i took the train , At paya lebar , they all rush in , Damn funny , then chenwei put his bag on top mine which i was holding onto , then i say " Paikia dont like that leh , damn heavy ley " , Then lol conversations and conversations , We later alighted at pasir ris and walked to downtown east , which i suffered most due to my FORMAL wear and my ENOURMOUS bag .

We went to find Ruiting and .....(dotted for a purpose) , then later they brought us down to the room , we settled down ans talked a little and stuffs , We played soccer and table pool . Damn funny and interesting . We did all sorts of bullshits basically . Got bet on some stuffs too but well , no harm done . First night wasnt much of a thrill , They did mahjong and i watched Chucky , Man i had no ideas doll were that hilarious , Big time of a fun slot machine . The way they kill and get killed damn funny and cute . Then we did truth or dare later , Got some bullshits ):
They damn bad to me can , I so good never bully , They tell me take bedsheet dress as mother theresa and walk up to someone say hello i'm mother theresa o.o

which i had no chioce as it was a dare .

Somewhere inbetween the night we went macs too
(By this time the night was over , by night i mean 12am-6am)
we were waiting for gerard to come back as we did our random heart to heart talks and stuffs , then gerard came , Me yunhui and gerard prepared ourselves to go swimming while jacob and chenwei tagged along . Me , yunhui and gerard all jumped in , Did some splashing , craps and all that , Then you know i was lying down on the water , Some guy IN GOOGLES , hit my head while swimming , damn stupid , got googles still cannot see must as well dont wear right ?

After that we all went off back to the room , Nothing much happened , i went to sleep and well alot of people k.o.-ed on the bed . LOL

Okay , so we woke up and they want to go escape / Wild wild wet , So they were stumped on what to do and decided , Hey push the decision on the organizer which was me , And well , I went for a majority vote and went to escape , The morning heat was SEARING! , We went to have a revote on who wants Wild wild wet and who wants escape , So the winning vote was wild wild wet , we went back to change and went to wild wild wet , (Spend 40+ already ....) Then went to WWW and book tickets and went in . We got in the baby pool , Then the floor was really really rough , Machiam like road like that , Then i didnt know i go dive inside my leg rubbed against the floor and there goes a portion of my skin . Then i kept getting injured later on , anyway . We went to the cave to go one round , had truckloads of fun , We proceeded to the wave and had even more fun . After the wave we went to the 'yakult' bottle and stayed there till the water came down , and i told them put hands in the air and shout halleujah when getting splashed , Damn fun lol . Anyway took the big big slide thingy , then we went down first while yh cw gerard jacob and weijing when down the next . We got down first and awaited their arrival , I told michelle and alan to shout welcome to singapore when they come down , Then lol shouted when they come down alot people look at us . Damn funny :D

Me and chen wei spend alot of time in the Wave and Cave together , Infact me and him had the most fun . They went to find us and couldnt find me and chenwei they went eat , they later then found us , we ate KFC . Then we went back 'yakult' and shouted halluejah , lol ! , Then went wave and cave ALOT , Damn fun! I did a bunch of random stupid things
Etc .
Hiding under float and then jumping out to scare safety guard
Splashing water at people at sidewalks
Flipping over alan's , cw's , mich's float
Going up to safety guard and shaking their hand .
And so on and so forth , damn lame LOL , Anyway my leg crampped suddenly , wah damn pain then i go force it to be straight , then i slowly bend bend bend ,then okay le , then later cramp again wtf . LOL . So i did the same thing again and okay le

Before we went off me and chenwei did the last ride , Some skydive thingy , Damn scary and thrilling , i still got that falling down feeling with me man ! , Damn cool!
We all took our stuffs and headed back to our room , We bathed then had our BBQ later , i being the useless organizer sit there listen phone and go eat only ROFL .
Anyway yep , After BBQ we did a whole big bunch of talk then we went sleep . and that's the end of the chalet o:
I went home first , then rested , bathed blahblah then went to pick nicole up . We played laptop and some remote control helicopter my father brought , then well i send her off at the bus stop later . That'd be about all i guess .

P.s. Retarded people who video me please pay me copyright fee and acting fees ty :D

And i had a great fun time with all you guys !

2009-11-06T20:40:00.002+08:00

Had a fun day todaaaaaaaaaaay :D
Oh and , To all my readers , Going to chalet from 7 - 9 Nov , so no posting during then :D
Anyway talk about today , Today is george birthday , Yes the sec 5 one , Go wish him happy birthday :D , Happy birthday george .
So anyway was with Nicole's clique and her , Rushed from home down to Vivo . Met with nicole and well walked walked , Then went to arcade , Played a random bunch of games , and had fun :X
Anyway went to toys'r'us later , Then played and ran around like some little kiddos , LOL.
Later went to hunt for nicole's mother present but couldnt find anything , So went to my house . uhhh ... Details not shared , Anyway , she went home later so yea , That's all my day is over , So emo right LOL .
need to plan for the chalet now ...
so yea , Guys and girls of hope 4-2 . Here's jeston guide to trouble free chalet

Please bring

1.5l of soft drink

Clothes , (3 sets )

Briefs

money

sleeping bag(Guys only)

Swimming / Sports wear

Sleeping bag

Wax(Optional)

Hat(Optional)

Shades(Optional)

Towel

Shoes/Slippers

Toothbrush

Plastic bag to contain your dirty clothes(Optional)

Phone(Optional)

Please note that i'm not responsible for any lost of item . So do take care of your own stuffs .
And please no smoking in the room .
The BBQ is on the 2nd night

Meet at Pasir Ris at 5pm

Have fun

2009-11-05T20:47:00.004+08:00

My girlfriend does not have constipation , She's just pose-ing LOL

Woke up really really late today , I have been sleeping alot yet it doesnt ever seem enough LOL
Anyway , i went down to Nicole's workplace and helped out folding paper and had well , Some fun (:
Happy 1 week nicole! :D
We still got a long long long way to goooooo :X

Time flies really quickly when i'm with you
Yet it seems like forever i'm not with you
Cant time stop when i'm with you ?
Then we would never have to part
I love you with all my heart ,
And i trust you do the same too (:

(Having headache so not writing much ) (:

2009-11-04T21:07:00.002+08:00

Sleep can do so much help to a human body man , See my eyes ! D:
Never sleep the jie guo (ending)

Sorry for not posting , Alright , I'll start from monday .

Monday -
Nothing much happened , After i webcam-ed with nicole , i tried to sleep which i failed .

Tuesday -

At 2 am , Calvin Cheng called me and asked me where i was , I told him home , and well he asked me to go downtown east , I asked him why and he said that they all got scared cause got ghost , I went to hunt for money for the cab , then i wrote to my parents
" I going to friend's house to stay over P.s. Dont call me , Ton "
and took the paper and scortch-tape it to their door , Then i cabbed down to DTE ( Downtown east ) , I talked to the cab driver about ghost and blahblah in hokkien , I had trouble conversing lol !
Anyway i reached there and saw them all , We went to the room which they all got freaked out by , and well i slacked there with them , Oh and the cab fee was 15.60 , -must remember so next time go will remember- , I went to there and slacked and talked and well gambled later , I won 20++ from blackjack , Yay me :D
Later they all tried to sleep at 4am , Then all talk and shout here and there , Then quarrel and disiao till 7am+ , Trenna got pissed off and told them all dont sleep , then some went out , And finally EVERYONE SLEPT . At last man .
I slept and slept and woke up , Then later in room slack and talk talk , and well slept more , I cant really remember what we did .. Let's see we did got Kbox , Had the meal there and well , Comforted trenna , Then before that went arcade with CC , oh and after that we went back for BBQ , The fire died twice , Once by KEVIN, The other one by ISSAC ! D:
Dont kill the bladdy fire that i made up TT
Anyway i got some burns from BBQ , but all in all it's fine , Oh and i use a thong to kill a bee LOL !

We went out later and well ate , played and did stuffs , the things at Nebo are f***ing expensive can , 1 scoop ice cream 1.50 . 1 bottle water 2.00 , 1 small cup of coke 1.90 wtf ?

anyway yep , later talk talk and slacked , Then we said ghost stories , comforted joanne , then ya . Went to sleep , i cant remember much ):

Went to sleep after the ghost story and well , k.o.-ed

Wednesday ( Today )

Woke up pretty early , Then faster pack up and check out , then had fun with the party poppers , Lol , anyway we took the bus to the mrt , Then we took mrt down , CC left at eunos , I went off at paya lebar and find nicole , I surprised her C:
She was happy to see me and i was happy to see her , Vice versa , Anyway i went down to help and well , see her :D
anyway went down to singpost later with her and violet cause they went to eat , So after that i went to fetch her back then later i went home , Watched movies and slept , oh and bathing was real comfortable :X
Well that's about all folks (:

I love Nicole Quah , With all my heart

No word , Can describe my love for her
For i'll remain devoted to her ,
No matter what happens .
I dont want to lose you , I really dont
I'll do anything , in my power
to keep you in my arms
FOREVER.

Whatever the cause or reason , always be happy and smile

I dont know if you'd take it to your heart or whatsoever

But know this , If i made a promise to you

I intend to keep it

And one of my promise to you was that

I'll always be there for you

2009-10-31T17:50:00.003+08:00

Hey all my readers ! , It's time i did a DECENT post .
Anyway here's the pictures , Let me talk about them first .

See the pictures of that all so cute girl ? :D
That's my girlfriend ! (:
Oh yes i love her so very much :x

The other 2 photo with the orangy background is when i went to Flyers for lion dance , i tagged along with jacob and ron and did some performance , quite boring but well it was entertaining .
And a new experience for me too .

Anyway there's this really really dark picture with the tree , The lightning strike the tree branch and it fell ! o.o
Or at least that's what my brother says .

And the one with me in black formal wear with a grey tie , That's when me and my students and nicole went to play pool . Had fun with them :D

And lastly that was the stupid conversation between with me and yh , realise how stupid the thing we say are LOL .

Anyway , time to get down to the main topic for the past few days (:

We'll talk about the day from the pool ?
Alright , It was yesterday , I wanted to fetch nicole to school but apparantly i couldnt wake up , Sorry :x
Anyway , i met her after school together with my students . Then i brought nicole to my house and well she was really cute , ahaha . :X

Anyway she changed and we went off to grandlink to play pool . Well later we played and play (:
Had fun with them! , Anyway , later on nicole needed to go back home cause she had a cruise , So i fetched her to the bus stop and well kissed her off .
Later i proceeded back to talk to them and i went off with them , My leg was ACHING and tired , I have no idea why o.o
Anyway , nicole went off to her cruise ):
I'm missing her like hell TT
And i decided to brace up for her , Try my best D:
Faster come back k dear , Me love you and miss you ):

Anyway , Today was BORING , slept at 5am , And my god , the sky was CRIMSON red! , I thought maybe there was going to be meteors and bang , all gone o.o
Anyway yep , Woke up 8am and went off to play and blahblah

Missing you like mad
You have no idea what's it like

A life without you
Do come back fast alright?

My heart and arms are waiting for you
And only you

2009-10-29T23:15:00.002+08:00

Nicole Quah , 29 / 10 / 09 , 4:15am

I love you more the words can ever describe
I know people are jealous of us
But i hope you can grant us your blessings
If your going to shoot your mouth off something stupid
I rather you keep it to yourself
I love Nicole Quah , With all my heart
And i pray nothing comes inbetween us

Nothing much happened today
I fetched nicole to school and brought her to the bus stop
Nothing much , so ya
Me say byebye :D
Me love nicole :D

2009-10-29T08:10:00.004+08:00

The Hope 4-2 Chalet !

The moment that you all have awaited is finally arriving ! , It's on Saturday - Monday ! ( Note that it is NEXT WEEK. )
As you all are aware of the details , I'll get straight to the point

The chalet has been booked and settled , We all are meeting at the Aljunied MRT at 4pm and going off together , A 5 minutes allowance for late comer is given so please DO NOT come out of your house at 4 . We want to get there and enjoy ASAP . Anyway , just arrive early . When we get there we'd leave our luggages in the room and have fun outside , Please note that you have to take care of your personal belongings , I will not be responsible for anything missing . The only meals provided is the BBQ which will be ONE DINNER , For your other meals , You are to settle it yourself .

PLEASE BRING :

1.5l of SWEET DRINK (NOT WATER , We're all sharing )

Swimming wear ( Might have water activities )

Money ( For your personal food and entertainment consumption )

Personal Medication ( If your asthmatic or whatever , bring your own medicine )

Clothes ( about 4 - 5 sets of them , unless you plan to re-wear them )

Towel

Charger ( If you deem it as important )

Shoes & Slippers

Plastic bags

Tissue paper ( I scared some tun bai people will use the tissue till it's depleted as if it was a toy )

Please avoid bringing :

PSP

Valubles ( Dont bring extravagant stuffs , etc. necklace , earrings (In case if stolen ) )

That's about all , For any clarifications , Please do contact me via phone / msn

2009-10-28T23:56:00.002+08:00

I woke up VERY early in the morning to fetch Nicole to school , I rushed down to the MRT thinking i was late but lucky for me i wasnt , Saw charles there and we chatted for a little .
When nicole came i went off together with her and bid farewell to charles . We walked to the school backgate and i bid her farewell there and i 'sayang' her , At first she was walking in , Then i reach my hand out wanting to sayang her but she was too far , I wanted to let it drop but she walked to me so i saynged her , LOL .
I went home after that and tried to sleep , But i failed to do so apparantly , I waited and waited and somehow i fell asleep!
When i woke up i found serveral smses , Which some i didnt reply .
Alright , i dota-ed and did some stupid craps .
Oh and the door knob fell off , i tried to reattach it over and over , Luckily it did went in :D
Anyway not much happenings today so yep

I like you , But it cant be said
I want to make the moment last forever
But it doesnt work that way
Do you want me the way i want you ?
Perhaps no ..
But still i'm willing to try it
I want to make you mine
I want to hold you in my arms
Did you know , Your on my mind
Every single second ?
I think you dont even know its you
Well it's good , Cause when i confess
I want to see your shocked happiness
And seeing you agree to it
Then it tells me one thing
All this while , My efforts have paid off
But that isnt the end , It's just the start
The start of our beautiful romance

2009-10-27T23:45:00.004+08:00

I'm listening and getting affected by this song!

True - Ryan Cabrera

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me

you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you

I'm weak , it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak , it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me

I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true

I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

2009-10-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

No pictures today , I woke up at 11am , Nothing to do and as usual pissed off at my parents .

I went out for lion dance today . Well , nothing much i want to talk about . No mood cause my parents damn fucking annoying .
Bye all

2009-10-25T23:24:00.004+08:00

FUN-tastic day and fu*ked up day O:

Hello dear readers ! Bet you all are waiting for my post !

Sorry nothing much to post about recently so i didnt post
Anyway there's pictures now!

I arranged with Kevin the day before to go play pool , The original idea was to ask nicole along but she was ... I dont know man . Anyway i wore formal and walked down to grandlink to play pool , Had tons of fun with Kevin and Calvin . Play alot of rounds , At my last round , I played with Calvin , Yunhui , ron and gerard came to find me , Then Yunhui grabbed my neck , I thought someone was attacking me so i went to elbow , Upon seeing Yh's face i stopped in the nick of time , Lucky him ! LOL
Anyway i wanted to find them after the game was done and we were going home , So i could bid them farewell , But i couldn't so i headed back home , I went to talk to adeleeeeeeeeeee (:
Adele , oh adele , Why do you hide your emotions from me , LOL!
Anyway! I played dota and webcam-ed with nicole , And well my father and mother KPKB-ed about me sleeping late and blahblah , WANTING ME TO SLEEP AT 10.30 PM WTF. I got damn pissed off can , It's hols , and they want me sleep at 10.30 for fuck ?

Anyway later my father kept nagging and said his going to put a lock on the computer , that blew my top , I'm not going to stay at home anymore . This home for me to sleep only , Nothing else , Cause i got fucked up parents who have no FUCKING brains . The things they say really brainless .
Anyway i just comforted nicole , Dont be sad over r/s stuffs , It's really pointless , Look forward , Into the future ! Dont drop your loads and stay segnant there . LOL .
Anyway yep , I tomorrow wont be at home , most probably . Going for some stuffs . (:
Byebye readers . (Woah i'm surprised i got 8 devoted readers o.o)

2009-10-23T19:24:00.007+08:00

Busybusy ! (:

Really tired and stuffs :D

Yay for pictures , i know (:

I talked with jacob till 4am yesterday and went to sleep . Damn bloody tired in the morning with headache , I to webcam with nicole when i got online and talked to her and blahblah , And well i went out at 2+ pm to find jacob and chenwei . We went out and got to talk talk , I went to block 110 to find chenwei but he was not there so i went to find him downstair his block and WAITED DAMN LONG . Lol , Then later i was walking with him and he ask me to call jacob , As i was replying an sms i couldnt call yet , When i was about to call , Jacob called from behind , We went to buy some stuffs and they passed me the cash . We went to block 120 and talktalktalktalk till ron came and we went to ahboon , At ahboon talk and eat , Then glen and co. came . We talktalktalktalk and went to .... Omg i forgot that block name , Oh well , i'm really tired now so i'll make this a fast post . Anyway after talk and slacking and all that we all went back , i went to buy my dinner and i went home , And here i am crapping LOL . (:

I hate jacob :D

P.s. Each time i see me and stefhanie's photo i heart pain sia ):

-edit-

I went to tio daiji with jiahao , Apparantly he veryveryvery kiampa to me , and he anyhow bomb my name .
To all , I DID invite jiahao to the Hope4-2 chalet , i DIDNT ask him not to go , He anyhow bombed my name . And lastly he told me come down settle WHICH he went away .
Then settled on phone . Details are not given . But know this
If JIAHAO , PLAY WITH OUR SIDE ANYONE , I WILL DIAO JUI AND COMB YOU . (He agreed to it ) , So anyone helping him dont gong sala like him .
That's all , My elbow hurts from venting anger on the wall ):

-Edit #2-

What the hell , You call yourself my brother and you betray me ? You go die lah , Fucking hell , Damn agitated , Where got brother do this shit to their own bros , You even defined yourself as my best friend ? , Eat my shit hor .

I play dota you ask me out , NOT FREE SAY NO RIGHT ? . SO I SAY I SLEEPING LAH WTF

2009-10-22T21:22:00.003+08:00

Hey all ! ,
Really really busy day today ! (:

Anyway let's start all the way from the morning (:

I woke up at 6.30 am , Nicole gave me a morning call , I went to prepare myself , Then my father saw that i was awake , So he asked me to help him with his work , I apologized to Nicole as i promised her i'd walk her to school . Anyway i help my dad with his work , rather tiring , LOL .
Never mind! Look as a training for my up-coming job!
Anyway , I went to do my stuffs at 12 + , See my mails and blahblah , And i proceeded to prepare for school , I wore the school uniform again , It got DAMN loose on me , I've lost tons of weight O: . But i still feel fat . Anyway , I went in , and yay ! The stupid security guard never stop me (:
I went in and went to 3rd floor straight to find for miss ng and miss wong , I saw miss ng at the 3rd floor so i went up to her , She told me to find her 15 mins later , Which i went to find miss wong later , But mr faizal (Keep forgetting his name due to not going school for so long , LOL! ) told me miss wong is inviligating on the O's paper , and will be available around 1 ~ 2 + , so i went downstair and got myself plain water , 50c only O:
But still the fact is that i'm broke LOL!
Anyway , I went to ISH(indoor sports hall) and see how people STEP gangster , Shouting like hooligans and look around (:
Anyway , I went off later and waited for Nicole outside wesley hall , Her class took DAMN long to come out , Oh well (:
Anyway once she came out i ask her for that stupid sec 1 guy who was bullying her but she said it was okay , so i didnt cared anymore . The next hour was really literally stupid and retarded walkings and waiting , so i wont state it .
Anyway later wei yan open-ed the drop-in and we went play pool . Nicole got the hang of the game real fast and well , Lol , Still at that standard , Train hard okay ! (:
Anyway she was like damn funny all the while , Like statue stand there no reaction one . After her game , I went to fetch her to the MRT . Then i went off to Ah Boon , Then i went to take the cash from alan , shijie , ah ben and weilun . Then i went to crap in the library . LOL!
And talked to alan about my 'pain' for hosting this chalet O:
Anyway i'm finding jiahao , Anyone see him tell him to call me . And jiahao if your seeing this
FUCK YOU . YOU TALK WHAT COCK KNN . YOU DONT FUCKING JIAOWEI HOR . YOU CONTACT ME ASAP .
Anyway as i was saying , I went home later , Webcam-ed with nicole and well talk with other people and i went oujt at 7.30 to get money from gerard . I took the money and talked awhile , Then headed home , at 9pm i headed to blcok 95 to find Li ni , I saw her with her boyfriend and she passed me the money and i went on home , I got 'my' side the cash , So basically i dont need to do anything anymore ! , YAY FOR JESTON ! (:
Really tired and stinky now , Perhaps i might take a bath and sleep , see how (:
( I dont think i'm getting the job and marks and spenser @ centrepoint @ somerset , They havent contacted me yet , I know it's one day but i really doubt it , Let's wait till sunday ) ):

Bye bye readers (:

2009-10-21T17:47:00.003+08:00

Dont cry because it ended , Smile because it happened

We were given two hands to hold , two legs to walk , two eyes to see , two ears to listen . But why only one heart ? Because the other was given to someone else ; For us to find .

You are the only one who can make me smile , So how can i smile without you ?

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love

I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind

The best thing about me is you

I'm really really bored , As usual .
Anyway there's been a spammer at my blog , I've talked around about it , Well the best option is to ignore , To that spammer , You want tio daiji , you leave your name and number , If not i'd just delete your post over and over , Just 3 clicks and it's gone forever . Pretty much easy for me .
Oh and i went for a job interview @ centrepoint , Marks and spenser , Now all i have to do is sit back , Relax and pray that i get the job . :D
I hope i do get the job too , I've been wanting a sales job on some big retail outlet , Glad that i have a chance at it :D
Anyway i'm sick again , as usual , Going out later to take the money from lini pass to chenwei , Hope that i'd be fineeeeeee ):
Man i feel more and more empty each day , Each passing day i find that i love you even more ):
-tries to erase-
Doesnt work huh ? .. , Oh well ):
I'll be going out to slack soon too . So i'll end off here , Bye readers (:

P.s. Whole body shaking , Arms esp. ): , I'm getting worst

2009-10-20T20:08:00.005+08:00

I had this dream , A dream of you and me
We were running through the forest ,
We held tight and ran with all our strength
When we stopped , We laid to rest at a grassy plain
We looked up at the clouds and smiled to each other
But i lost you , You disappeared from me .
Now i laid there alone wondering where'd you go
I look left and right , Nothing was there
As i search , it got darker and darker ,
Till eventuallly it was pitch black .
My legs grew sore , My arms were restless , My heart ached
I laid in darkness , Shed a tear and wonder whatever happened to you
This is when i awoke

When i awoke , I looked at my phone , There isnt anything
I turned back to sleep hoping i'd get a proper rest
But i tossed and turn in my bed having endless thoughts on my dream
This is when i wondered , Whatever happened to us ?
What happened to the times we were together ?
What happened to the times where we'd face each other and smile ?
What happened to the times where we'd throw our worries away and love each other ?
Perhaps it never exist , Perhaps it did , I'm clinging on the fact it did .
Whatever happened to our 'future' together ?
Didnt we talk about kids and how we'd enjoy each other company ?
I guess nothing happened ....
I wonder do you think about me as much as i think of you
Most probably not , Your too busy with your life , With those other guys .
I'm utterly speechless , I dont know what to do , I dont know what to say .
I miss you , I miss your smiles , I miss how you treated me , I miss every single detail of you
But it doesnt brings us anywhere does it ?
Isnt there a time machine to make all things right again ? Please do invent one soon ..
Cause i'm in a desperate need for it ...

I know my efforts to post are for naught , Afterall you dont care anymore
You probably wont even bother to read , I cant do anything about it
I cant wrong my rights , I am only there .
For what purpose , I know not ...
I dont know anything anymore ...

P.s. Going for job interview tomorrow , Wish me luck

2009-10-20T08:50:00.006+08:00

HOPE 4-2 CHALET By Jeston
YOUR BEST GUY IN THE CLASS! , Don’t roll your eyes

People attending :

Jeston ( Staying / 2 days )

Chen wei ( Staying / 2 days )

Jacob ( Staying / 2 days )

Weilun ( Staying / 2 nights )

Ben Goh (staying / 2nights )

Wei jing ( Staying / 2 nights )

James ( Staying / 2 nights )

Jia hao ( Staying , not overnight )

Karanjit ( Staying , not overnight )

Kian Yong ( Staying / 2 days )

Syikin ( Going , Not overnight )
Yunhui ( Staying / 2 days )
Michelle ( Staying / 2 nights )

Joey ( Staying / 2 nights )

Sew Long ( Staying , not over night)

Rui ting ( Staying / 2 nights )

Gerard ( Going , not staying )
Alan ( Staying , 2 nights )
Miss wong ( Attending for a short while )

Sofiah ( Going , not overnight )

Alfred ( Staying , Not over night )
Miss Ng ( Attending at night )

Not attending :

Kian Chong ( don’t want attend )

Melvan ( don’t want attend )

Gabrielle ( Studies )

Marc ( Confirm dua , Count him out . )

Harry ( Overseas )

Xiang Ying ( don’t want to attend )
Jian Ming ( don’t want to attend )
Shi jie ( Don’t want to attend )
Sheng en ( Work )
Wei quan ( Work )

UNABLE TO CONTACT :
Angela

Gary
Ben leong

PLEASE DO CONTACT IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND . LAST DATE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND WILL BE ON NEXT FRIDAY . 30 OCTOBER .

Cost :Each person will have to pay $20 , Pass me the cash asap by this Friday , We have to do the booking . PLEASE GIVE ASAP. DON’T THINK IT”S OKAY TO PASS IT A LITTLE LATER THANKS.
$15 goes to the rental of room , $5 goes to the BBQ .If there is money left over , We’d split it up equally and return to everyone of whatever is left .

Rules :No bully of own classmate
No smoking in the room REGARDLESS OF OPEN OR CLOSED WINDOW/DOOR

Please take care of personal belongings , I will not be held responsible for any loss/damage

Listen to your organizer , ME :D

Follow and participate in the activities pre-set for you , Do not wander off .

Find classmates incase of troubles

Aloha’s conditions and thingys

Terms and Conditions for Booking of Chalets at Costa Sands Resort (Downtown East)

Bookings
1. Applicants must be aged 18 and above at the time of booking.
2. Booking must be made by the applicant and for a minimum duration of two consecutive nights for Friday, Saturday, eve of public holidays, public holidays and school holidays. Applicant is not allowed to select the chalet.
3. All payments must be made in full and in Singapore currency. Payment by Credit Cards (Visa/MasterCard only) are acceptable.
4. The Management reserves the right not to accept any application or cancellation it does not deem fit, and shall not be liable for any damage arising therefrom.
5. The Management reserves the right to vary the terms and conditions at any time it deems fit without prior notice.

Amendment of Bookings
1. For amendment of bookings, a notice of 14 days or more prior to arrival date is required to be given to the Resort. Any changes in the chalet type, period of stay or Resort location, the difference in chalet rental shall not be refunded.
2. Applicants are only allowed to change the arrival date once. Should applicants decide to cancel the booking after the change, a penalty charge of 50% of the chalet rental shall be forfeited.
3. Change of booking particulars is not allowed once final receipt / tax invoice has been issued.
4. All amendments must be done via letter, email, fax or in person.

Cancellation of Chalet / BBQ Pit Bookings
1. All booking cancellations must be done via letter, e-mail, fax or in person.
2. Cancellation made 14 days or more prior to arrival date, 25% of the chalet rental shall be forfeited.
3. Cancellation made less than 14 days prior to arrival date, 50% of the chalet rental shall be forfeited.
4. No refund for BBQ pit booking shall be given in the event of rain or cancellation.

No Show / Early Check-Out
1. No refund shall be made for any period that is not used; full rental forfeiture applies.

Rules & Regulations
1. Guests shall check-in any time after 2.30pm with their identity cards / passports. Check in time is from 2.30pm. Request for early check-in is subject to chalet availability.
2. No written authorisation is required for check-in on behalf. The authorised person must be aged 18 and above, and has to produce the following upon check-in:
The authorised person's I/C
Confirmation of Booking Form
The member's NTUC Card (if applicable) for verification purposes.
3. Guests are required to check-out before 10.30am on their departure date, otherwise a day’s rental shall be imposed.
4. A maximum of 4 persons are permitted to stay overnight in the chalet. The Management reserves the right to evict any additional persons.
5. No excessive noise is permitted after 11.30pm. The Management reserves the right to evict all rowdy and misbehaving guests with no refund of chalet rental.
6. The following are not allowed within the Resort:
Organised Gambling
Cooking
Karaoke
Dancing
Pets
Personal portable BBQ pits
Catering of food (except by resort’s approved caterer)
Rental of chairs and tables (except from resort’s approved tenants)
Unauthorized fixtures and decorations in the chalet
7. Guests and visitors shall at all times obey and comply with the rules and regulations set by the Management.
8. Guests shall comply with the Pool Standing Orders and the Pool Swimming Times. Only proper swimwear shall be allowed.
9. Guests are advised to lock and latch all chalet doors and windows after midnight or each time they leave the chalet.
10. The Management shall not be held liable or responsible for any injury, accident or loss of any valuables, money or personal effects of both guest and visitors and damages arising therefrom.
11. The Management reserves the right to take appropriate actions (including shortening the duration of stay without any refund) against anyone who infringes its Rules and Regulations.
12. The Management also reserves the right to disallow any person whom it deems undesirable into the resort ground and shall not be liable for any damage arising therefrom.
13. The Management reserves the right to charge the guests for any loss or damage, the cost of replacements or repair of any item provided in the chalet and its surroundings.

Needing 2 photographers WITH cameras . Please do contact if interestested

Photographer 1 )

Photographer 2 )

Yes , this is the time of the year where we’d gather and meet for the last time as a member of Hope4-2 ! And I know you guys are looking forward to it too !Please for the sake of everyone , Those attending DO NOT DUA THE REST . You gave your word your attending so just attend and have fun there , Better then sitting at home doing nothing ? Anyway we’re going to have a fun time but we’d require a partner system , I don’t want to find in the middle of the night someone is missing and we need to go man hunt . If you want you can go in a group but find a partner in the very least . Partners are responsible for their partner’s wellbeing and contacting the others incase of emergency .
We’d only be handling one of your dinners which will be the BBQ , The other meals you guys will have to settle yourself alright .
The details of the chalet are , 3 D 2 N , 7 ~ 9 november , ( 2 weeks from now ) , Costa Sand Downtown east .
2 chioces to go there
1 - Meet up with everyone then head out there ( planning on it later , Details given later )
2 - Go personally

(PLEASE TRY TO STICK TOGETHER AT ALL TIME AS A CLASS)

Remember to bring :Sleeping bag

Whatever personal items / Personal medication

Clothes

Cash

Swimming wear

For further enquires / Needing assistance / Clarifications :Call me at 90105111

2009-10-18T14:14:00.000+08:00

Yes yes , i know photos of me , I dyed my hair reddish brown , Apparantly it cant be seen on the camera , i have no idea why O:
There you go my readers , Bet your glad :D

Anyway , It's been some time since i last posted .

My life is pretty much as boring and lonely as it is , Oh well .
Jeston is singggleeeeee , faster show your interest in him!

Bored and lonely ):

Anyway i've been slacking and stuffs this few days , Nothing much in particular , Organizing a Class chalet too ! :D
But it kinda sucked ass , Very mafan with all the crap i receive . Please be steady .
My class , Really those few of you , cmi , LAST TIME WE GET TO MEET and this kind of response ? , I'm ashamed of you , badly . Anyway yep . Slack slack and organizeeeee , What a busy me :D
This few days organize , I hope it pays off ):

Anyway , From now on receive details of the Hope4-2 chalet from my blog alright ?

I wont post for the class chalet thing at this post , The next post , We still have to wait for ahben , weilun and weijing's response , Failure to do so by the end of 6pm tomorrow will be deem as not staying overnight

2009-10-17T14:34:00.002+08:00

sick + headache + tired + muscle cramps
Yes , once again i'm sick , Dont know what happen but i'm sick again , Oh well .
anyway i've decided to go meditate or some shit to relax myself . maybe even forgive myself for the stuffs i done , ):
So yep ... And man i'm feeling stressed up ):
Oh and most probably not going out tonight , so nothing much to post about , Talking about that , my recent post have been short , so yep , sorry readers

2009-10-17T03:37:00.004+08:00

slacking with ron and jacob .

Damn fucking boring now , jio me out please ):

2009-10-17T00:04:00.003+08:00

The day i died was the best day of my life
Tell my family , friends and all others it will be alright

I dont really know what to blog about , i dont really care about anything anymore .
oh and my fucking brother go tell my parents i smoked , and my parents went crazy on me . zxcs .
I cant breathe and my stomach hurts like hell , I hope whatever is it , this will stop =/

- 153am -

Sitting in my bed staring out into the sky , Wondering why does this crap keep happening .. Should i run away from home ? , From singapore ? Find another country and stay there forever till i die from starvation ? , Or perhaps run all over singapore and never be found ? Thoughts of leaving this stupid position of mine keeps coming to my head, I dont know why the hell this happens , I really really wish that somehow things turns out right .. I dont know what to do nor what to say anymore , I'm all so lonely everyday .
P.s. I dont really care about anyone anymore , If you still do care for me , i'm sorry ...

2009-10-16T02:00:00.008+08:00

I know fucking well you guys are reading this . I dont really give a shit , And if you think i'm acting pathetic and kelian , Fuck you . Cause i'm not , and i dont get sympathy from this shit even when i know . It's for expressing how i feel so fuck off if you dont like it .

You want to know how i feel ? You think i dont know ?

Well here's right back at you

Stefhanie - You think i dont know the crap your doing ? Gather all my ex stead dont know for what fucking reason ? To get back at me ? Let me tell you , Your type is close one eye pick one , Your damn common . And i never ever said i was handsome so fuck you . You vommit for fuck ?
You guys want the full story right ? Here it goes
I met stefhanie on facebook on an application , She was intertested in me but i didnt take notice at first , later on i decided i should add her and well she fell in love with me , i didnt do no god damn magic or whatever crap , you fell in love with me on your own accord . And stuffs hit off pretty well for the first 2 days of our relation , After that everyday without fail you would kan me and scold me and show me attitude as if i'm god and i can control everything . Then on that day you came to my house . You got drunk and smsed other guys telling them your drunk , How's a boyfriend suppose to feel ? And fucking hell you call me possesive and jealous , The stuff you do , everyday with another guy , going out with guy , talking to another guy . YOU ASK YOURSELF HOW NOT TO BE JEALOUS . stupid like wtf . And later on i found out adele liked me , as in for a stead , so i asked her why didnt she tell me earlier , we could have been together . and from that day on my feeling started to fade from stefhanie while stefhanie became more of a bitch to scold me more and more . Then adele got closer and closer . I broke off with stefhanie cause she told me she liked another guy and well i'm not doing my job well . I admit i did some stupid stuffs . But the stuffs you did to me , you go compare yourself . Play me and still dare talk ? Wtf , dont treat like your not at fault , i dont mind making myself look bad cause i'm not afraid of the truth , people hate me , so what ? I dont give a shit . You gather all my ex just to insult and scold me , For what motive i dont give a shit . But if i do find an outsider bad mouthing me , your going to fucking die . Let me tell you this Stefhanie , I do love you , But with this crap , I dont really fucking give a shit if you hate me anymore , I've been trying to right my wrongs , but all you do is fucking attitude with me . I dont really care about your shits anymore . You can go bad mouth me , Cause your my ex , I wont give a shit to you . Then after we broke i told her some lies such as i took a drug to cause my memory lost and i got into coma and stuffs , That's all i did and she fucking hates me ? Then what should i be doing to you ? Crucifying you on the cross ? What the fuck man ? Then what about the part where you broke up with me and said you liked another guy ? How ? And oh you got together with timothy on the day we broke too! Genius pretty much to blame it all on me ? Oh and the best part is , You CALLED OUR RELATION A SHIT , WHAT THE FUCK DOES OUR RELATION MEANS TO YOU , IF IT"S SHIT WHY THE FUCK YOU CARE SO FUCKING MUCH NOW

Janice - Your worst of a bitch , I know your bad mouthing me way more then them , Fuck you , you think you very pretty ? And by the way i never put i and handsome in the same sentence before so stop fucking putting words in my mouth , your the worst of all bitch , you said you loved me ? and then you lied to me and then broke up with me , of all people you should die the most , your in no qualification to insult me , You think you very pretty? Fuck sake dude , Your not all that wonderful . And i know i'm not i never did praise myself , i called myself ugly thanks to you . I dont even give a shit about looks thanks to you too . So fuck off . your damn fucking ugly in the heart even if your face doesnt shows it . Guess what , The reason why your single it's really easy , your over demanding . Just like stefhanie , but worst .

Adele - I dont know why but i cant bring myself to hate you , i know you hate me and all but your innocent in this , I know it's my fault i broke your heart , For that i'm truely sorry . I'm at fault , i'll do anything to make up . This has nothing to do with you , Dont get caught up in this .

However for you other 2 , Seriously fuck off , I dont know what the hell you call up and conference just to bad mouth me for , Really damn fucking stupid you know ?

Stefhanie , Please grow some brains to think for god sake , I'm not your boyfriend anymore , You broke up with me to go to that timothy guy while you said you loved wisely , Right , and i didnt hate you at all . All i did was lie to you about after we broke and you gladly push the blame , just like you always do , never your fault , always someone's else . Go flirt more , you call me a flirt , i wonder whose the flirt here .

And you guys can continue your little game of bullshit and insulting me , cause deep down in your heart , You fell in love with me in your own accord , I didnt gain you by pity , by force nor by money , I won your heart over just with myself , And if you want to insult , you should insult yourself . If i have wronged you , you can insult me all you want , Janice of all people should fucking die though . I dont even see how you come into the picture .

I dont know what to say to you guys . You got me real pissed though , if that's your objective , Well congratulations , But let me tell you this .
If i have hurted you , you can do whatever you please to me
IF YOU HURT ME FIRST , FUCK OFF AND DIE .

And let me tell you , All this all got proof and evidence , It's up to everyone to read and see what happen . I dont want to let you step on me , fuck off seriously .

Which ever fucking cheebai asshole sponsering my infomation to them you fucking watch out , I get a single info on you , You fucking hell die , You wait and see only . Fucking chee bai you dare talk behind me like some motherfucking retard right ? Knn , Limpei go down find you see you suck balls , I swear you fucking die bastard . Every single one of you who isnt my ex , You guys sure die , You dare talk behind my and fucking bm till so fucking nice right ? i show you .

Go bitch gossip about me or whatever , For i bring the truth , If you think THERE'S A SOURCE OR TRAIL OF LIE , DO APPROACH ME AND PROVE ME WRONG

P.s. Adele please do get yourself out of this shit , this isnt what i planned for you .

- 4: 46 am -

Not asleep yet as usual , But you know , i've learn something .
I went out just a hours ago to meet up with chenwei and talked about some stuffs . Well i get this whole bullshit now , so yep . Fuck off , If you want to take advantage of me , i dont give you no shit , fuck off . Your not my business anymore

2009-10-15T15:25:00.001+08:00

stay true to your feelings or you'd end up to be the one alone

2009-10-15T05:03:00.001+08:00

Really really bored so have a couple of photos , yep =/
Damn i really need someone to entertain meeeeeeeeeeeeee .
And my stomach hurts like hell ._.

2009-10-14T16:10:00.001+08:00

Man i'm lonely , bored as usual ..
Anyway , should i stop smoking ?
Cause i'm really suffering it cause of it ):
Oh well , another short post , sorry readers

Apparantly i smoked too much and my gums came loose and i got agitated by it so i cut my flesh off and it's bleeding like hell and i'm in hell lot of pain now

2009-10-13T15:56:00.002+08:00

<---- Damn cool right , bleeding is my game

What have i done ._.
I'm changing ):
My brother was like saying stefhanie's name and blahblah when i turned and glared at him , then he continued and so i dash to him and knee his face and elbowed down wards and now his nose is bleeding ._.
Sorry sorry ):

2009-10-13T04:03:00.000+08:00

great , it's 4 am and i havent slept a wink , i dont think i'd be catching anytime soon too .. for people who know the 'reason' , well i've decided to go on with it , i dont need the medicines nor craps . So yep , enjoy life while i'm still at it

2009-10-12T16:49:00.001+08:00

Maybe i do deserve all this crap , Cause i dont know what i want in life . I'm really sorry for whom or whoever who got affected by me , I dont expect you to forgive me , you could hate me all your life , but i'm sorry .. sheesh , i hate this , going mia really really soon ):

2009-10-11T17:55:00.003+08:00

here's a bunch of love quotes ):

Love is for losers , I guess i am one of them

I love you not because your beautiful , but rather your beautiful because i love you

My heart beats for you, my soul dies for you, my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you

To the world you might be one person, but to me you are the world

No matter how many times I get hurt because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have a hundred reasons to leave you, I'll look for that one reason to fight for you

Sometimes we tend to be in despair, when the person we love leaves, but the truth is that this is not our loss. Its theirs, because they left the only person in the world who would never give up on them

when you say you LOVE someone, make sure that your spelling is correct. because if you're going to browse a dictionary, luv.lav.lab.lub. means NOTHING

The spaces between your fingers were created so that my finger could fill them in

If happiness exists, it's when I see you. If pain exists, it's living without you and if there's anyone I need, it's only you

They say loving you gives pains and full of sacrifices But I'll rather take pains and lots of sacrifices than not to be love by you

I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you

When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams

I dont know why they call it heartbreak . It feels like every part of my body is broken too .

I self destruct every relationship so that i don't get hurt... but in truth i just hurt myself worse in the long run..

Everyday we tell ourselves we're better off without each other, but then every morning I wake up and realize I love you more then the day before

They say follow your heart, but when your heart is in so many pieces. Which way are you to follow

if i have to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I LOVE YOU

I guess that's all , Use at your will bah ):
I feel down , really really sad man , Why does people love to 'eat' me , I know i soft hearted but people keep eating and eating ... Should i harden my resolve and be heartless ? or should i continue this pretence and smile while i hurt like hell inside ? .. haiz

- 10 20 pm -

I honestly dont know why the fuck am i so kind , It's not like it has brought me any benefits before , Everyone keeps 'eating' on me , being taken advantage of isnt funny , it really really sucks and i feel really stupid .
Even though i've harden my resolve , as soon as she put she was crying i instantly contacted her , just to see if she was alright , but i dont know man , i know she's just using and manupliating me , i dont know what to think of anymore . She even stated that i'm just a rebound ... And yet i still care for her , it's really wtf .
I really should stop all this crap , Become heartless once and for all , Make all who turn against me regret , i dont want to continue all this fucking stupid life with all this bullshits , i want to make a stand ... Will someone give me their opinion ? Cause i dont want to make the wrong choice ...

P.s. my lips hurts , shaving sucks

2009-10-11T01:09:00.004+08:00

Sometimes in life it's better to suffer then to let others suffer ..

Happy birthday to caroline too

4:22 am

Smoking my life away .

2009-10-09T00:53:00.005+08:00

Man it's a new day , i've wasted my time ..

anyway i cant sleep ._.
I'm having troubles breathing and well my body feels very very weak and damaged and my fever seems to be killing me , everything is so damn freaking hot can .__________.
hope i get well soon , this illness is killing me

Very very very angry now , I going mia for few days , if anything is up just drop an sms , If i deem as important i'll contact you
Fuck all this bullshits , No one believes me . It really sucks , my life is going down and down yet nothing is holding me up , I'm really really sad and depressed and it's still going down , Why doesnt anyone believe me , Esp. you . I got proof and evidence , if you dont believe i can take out show you . #$*%&@#*(&%$#@ Fuck this world . Seriously . Try having lost your sense of taste , You have no appetite to eat already pissed off , Now you got to go through more craps ._.
Yes that's what is happening to me . Fuck . I'm going off to smoke to cool my anger . I'll consider doing what later , Byebye world nice knowing you . Feeling too damn hurt now .

2009-10-08T22:10:00.002+08:00

Time flies , really really fast
It seemed like just a month ago that i was still in primary school , screaming , running , jumping around like some spolited brat . And all the experience that i've gone through and the changes in my life , Everything seem to happen all so fast yet i'm adapting to it
Today is offically the last day i'll get to see all the faggots in my class , Miss you dudes ):
I know there's a DnT paper coming up but still not all of us are in DnT , I hope that whatever happens , We'd part our ways with a bright future awaiting us although we all know my words on this are bullshit cause we can never have bright futures . Nevertheless , I bid you all farewell and good luck on your future endeavours .
I'm glad all my exams are over and everything is settled , I'm happy that all the memories and times we had , We had rough times and MORE rough times , But we gone through thick and thicker , So well , I hope that we'd meet up sooner or later in the future .
Anyway on the same time and fact , I'm really really sad that we'd have to part , Everything is gone , My friends , my classmates , the teachers , the smiles and sadness i see in my daily life , Everything faded , No , Everything got eradicated on this very day . It's not a bad sign , Neither is it a good one . I dont know what to think but i feel really really confused . Oh well let's not empatize too much on it . Let's enjoy the hell that is over already (:
Anyone can intro me friendly people ? I feel bored ):
Oh and this ends my review on the Nlevels
Tiring , sucky and tedious.

Today was Maths P2 and Geography , I woke up at 2 am , 3 am and then 4.21 am , So i got agitated , woke up and studied , So i went to prepare for school around 6 , Then i went to find jacob , Really really plain , Anyway nothing much interesting happened , I went down to slack with chenwei , jacob , harry , yunhui , gerard after Maths P2 and we talked about stuffs , we headed back to school at 1pm+ and we talked and went toliet and stuffs , Oh and we did Truth or Dare too , Apparantly the dare was a stupid dare so ALL of us chose truth . Then geog paper .. was okok , So yup that ended it .

I went to see them off . Went to school toliet , changed , went to yishun , bring someone to doc's , walked around , talktalk , blahblah , so on , yep i wont divulge much details cause you bastards(Only to the guys) , Will continuously be a bastard and crap to me so yep :D

I feel really really bored and tired , Can someone entertain me ):
Like now ?

Well school and shits are over , Everything seems really plain and boring , Is there really a meaning to life ? We all make petty fortunes but can't afford a life , We all seek entertain and sensations that fulfill our needs , What's the point of all this anyway ? I dont know what to do , I dont know what to think , I dont know how to feel .

Anywayyyyyyyyyy ............... I want my girl to be my wife man ):
I mean in terms of wife-like attitudes , Caring for me and children , Thinks of our welfare , share with me everything , Trust me with her all , listen to me and is mine forever ...
I know it sounds stupid and all , We're still young and stuffs , But i tell you this , We're all old already . Time to grow up and think maturely , Anyway yup i just feel this way , I havent got the mood to flirt too , what the hell man ._.
I feel that i've changed again , Oh welllllll.......

And yay for uber long post . It's about to get longer!

I want you guys to take notice to this song lyrics , Kind of ... i dont know .

If my faults are your song
Then I will not be content to sing along
If I'm the one that's got you so out of touch
Then why don't you just go ahead and...

Why don't you just go ahead and
Blame it on this southern weather
Blame it on anything
It's not like you to ask small favors

But you can blame me for everything
If I'm the cause of all your sickness and pain
Then I'll bury my face in all of the dirty shame...
If this is just what's getting you so out of touch

Then why don't you just go ahead and
Why don't you just go ahead and
Blame it on this southern weather
Blame it on anything

It's not like you to ask small favors
You can blame me for everything
This is my last plan to bury all of your charm
This is my final rush to reach for you

Blame it on this southern weather
Blame it on anything
It's not like you to ask small favors
You can blame me for everything

~

Yep go ahead and blame me for everything .

Anyway assholes like jacob stop rushing me for this post THANK YOU

Oh and FUCK YOU DUDE !
You think you very ehhhhhhhhhhhh sai ?
Pleaseeeeeeeeee zzz , Dont embrasses yourself infront of everyone
I open my mouth one time , You jack yourself x10 times
Your hokkien , english , chinese , japanese ALL SUCKS .
So yep . :D
People like you who finds trouble should just die .
Die and rot in hell .

OH and and and , I feel guilty and sorry about certain stuffs , I want to say sorry to some people but i dont know if i should , my friend's suggestions are not to , But i still feel guilty over the stuffs that happened ):
Oh well , Let time do it's job while i'll do mine

Oh and and , Man i know there's still complains on my blog being plain and all but i find it all so nice and wordy :D , Dont you think it's cool ? . But nah , i'll upload .

Oh and i want to extend my PERSONAL THANKS to a few of my friends who made my secondary school life meaningful . Spot your name , If your not inside sad for you :D
(No jacob , you are going to be the last so stfu)

Chen Wei
Ron
Yun hui
Harry
Gerard
Alan
Rachel( Goh )
Megan
Caroline
Stefhanie
Weijing
Karanjit
Lester
Elson
Ryan ( Drama )
My students in pool
AND VERY LASTLY
Jacob . The fucking faggot of a humanly biscuit that deprives me of my happiness just to survive and his an asshole who doesnt think for others . Yes the main objective is obvious , I'm just bad mouthing you , Cause i feel that this is the last time i get to do this kind of bullshits ):

Gaaaaaaaaaah , This sucks having to say bye and all , I need a hug man , Free hugssssssss , Get em while their hot O:

I'm still clueless on what to do this whole holidays , Let's hope an idea come up real fast :D

Idea is not popping out ..

still not out ...

Screw it zzz .

Anyway i might be going to meet chenwei to pass him his memory card later , Or i might just pass him tomorrow , See on the current senarios and conditions .
And shit man , I cant whack that caucasian bastard , Hey bastard , If you reading this come find me ? :D
I wait for you . You got balls you come only , I now no need scared school craps anymore :D

Oh and and , today had some misunderstanding with jacob's wallet man ):
HELPING PEOPLE WILL SABOTAGE YOURSELF , BE WARY .

I'm going to watch some scary movie , Like dead slience or something soon with my brother since he has chocolates :D
And i still need to call her soon ._.
So yep , i guess i'm ending here , I might post later or something , But i believe this is way tooo long , perhaps the longest post :D
-clapclap-

And can people persuade jacob to make a facebook , That fucking loser doesnt want to make one ):

2009-10-06T23:54:00.003+08:00

I know you guys are dying for me to post .. So here it is

To live and let live
To forgive and forget
With no strings attached , Forget all sins you once carried
Lay down your sorrow and anger
With hopes and dreams for a new day to be fulfilled

With a past like mine , Words are never enough to fulfill
Let's just talk about the things that revolves around me now

Sadness roams the streets , Stress soaring high everywhere .
People never do learn their mistake , Never do they forget too .
For their own selfish needs , they sacrifice other's happiness .
Love's lost is now rekindled , Choking on the facts that happened .

Why cant people just be forgiving ? I know my blog has sad stuffs and all but i'm being factual here . You realise how stuffs affects one life and mood and stuffs . Well it's a part of a mental torment , Everyone can do it , only they dont know how to manupliate it , Well i'm not going around asking you to do so but infact i'm discouraging you to do so . It might bring happiness to yourself but dont let others suffer . They want to feel happy , The least we could do is grant that small wish . Anyway ... Let's talk about certain 'types' of things i can think of now

Selfish people

Well it's a pretty common thing though , Nothing unexpected nor surprise of . They live everywhere . For their personal pleasure they make others sad . I detest such type of people , I know of few such people . Anyway if your reading this do you consider yourself one ? If so you should really think of it . You do know i do not mean of material wealth but rather f/s and r/s .

Friend-less people

There's a reason for one such type of people , It's not like they want it ... Wait . sorry scratch that . THEY do want it infact , It's not that their not cool or whatever . But rather at the fact that they love to cause troubles / not a team player . Lighten up and join in the fun , Dont screw around with the limits . You'd find yourself engulfed in friends (:

Firece people

There isnt a real reason for people to be staring around like some fucking retard , Be it across the street or whatsoever . Your inviting trouble to yourself , So if you want to stare , bang or scold , It means you want trouble . Dont think of yourself as some great gangster , You already know your not .

I've heard about some stuffs about me . First me changing into some gay .
Well screw whoever who is spreading this , If i were to find you , I'm going to wipe your face on the fucking floor .
Next i heard of some people calling me a gangster , I assure you , I'm still the same , I wont change for anything in the world .

I feel that life is boring and empty as usual , But i dont have any suicidal thoughts . Can someone fill me up anytime soon ?

alright enough bullshits , How about some feedbacks on the exams ? :D

Alright , My Nlevels started on Monday , Which was yesterday . The days before that were hell , I had to study like crap , I had very little/no sleep at all . Cause i was rushing for my exams preparations , On friday i've started all this ... I picked out my Physics and Chemistry textbooks and some notes , To my distraughted thoughts , I couldnt understand a single part about my topics , I panicked and started to study and study and study , With the guidance of my tuiton teacher on sat and sun , I manage to grasp almost the whole year topic within 4 days . And well On monday i got to school , Prepared myself for Physics . I walked into the hall smiling and confident as usual , I sat down and got the debrief and stuffs , I did the physics paper in the fastest time possible , My comments are that it was really really easy . Then we ( Yunhui , Chenwei , Jacob , Harry , Gerard ) went down to get some food and soon after we went back up for chemistry , The paper was soso .. Cant say hard nor easy .
Anyway that ends for that day
The next day was today , Was Maths P1 , It was .. rather easy yet difficult , Hard to explain but , It was do-able .

I feel that i'm missing out something in life ,
I feel that strange feeling when i'm alone ,
I feel that the world has stopped by itself ,
I feel that everything has lost it's purpose

Oh man and i've realised something , This earth is a complexed system that is rather simple actually , Everything is interlinked to something else . It's really really cool ! I know i sound dorky and stuffs but Chemistry and Physics is really really cool o.o

God damn it , Fill that hole in me now . ):

And stop asking me to post you guys ._.
It's my blog and i'll post when i want

OH AND FUCK YOU CAUCASIAN DOG , YOU AND YOUR BROTHER AND FAMILY SUCK MY BALLS AND DIE!

AND Rachel Goh ! You do look cute and chubby , Dont deny already , I lazy quarrel with you :D

2009-09-23T21:18:00.003+08:00

I had the longest dream you could ever imagine ..
Along the way i've thought all about my life ,
I've realised this world has no need for anyone
Nothing in this world is of significant importance
I dont feel anything anymore , I cant feel sad
I cant feel anger
I cant feel loneliness
I want to know why i feel so down , I cant seem to find the reason
I hope my feelings will rekindle , My life will light up again
I guess i'm asking for too much , Cause it will never happen
All that i ask for is to go on with my peasant life with someone .
I hope complications and lies doesnt exist in my life anymore ..
After all i've been sleeping so long , It's time i woke up and did something for myself
I hate myself as i do not apprieciate myself , I guess it was true ..
But i cant be bothered ..

I've lost alot alot alot alot of weight o.o
My tummy is like gone ._.

My god has long forsaken me
My life is nothing but an empty shell
My heart is filled with sorrow and hatred
My body is exhausted and frail
My mind has crashed and burned
I do not care anymore , I've given up my name , My cause , My life
I dont want a new start , I dont want the old either .
I'm going to stay however the way things are
Be it dead , Be it alive
I will help my brothers ,
Be it friends , Be it foes
I will stand by those who were with me
I dont care whatever shit you guys give me no more
Cause i dont care anymore , Everyone of you out there
Never did cared about my feelings .
I'm left alone in the darkness , I do not want anyone to save me
I want to go back to sleep , Where i can forget about the world .
Or better still an eternal sleep where i'd die
Crimson blood flow down my head
Black poison runs in my vein
Purple vessels chokes me
Pale white face ensures my death
Let this be told , I do not care of my life , Do not think i give a shit about yours either

You should fucking die together with him
Dont expect sympathy from me , I've lost it long ago
You asked why i so firece , Your not my girlfriend , I dont give a shit
Your boyfriend can go and eat my shit , I dont care .
The world lies if they say this world has salvation
Cause obviously everyone will die . EVERYONE WILL DIE.
FUCK YOU ALL , I WISH EVERYONE DIED.
THIS WORLD SUCKS TO THE CORE .
There is no word to describe my anger , I'm going to vent it really soon
I cant control it anymore , This is the final straw . I give up on everything
You want to try to save me , Your fucking problems .
I am me , I am the greatest , I'm forsaken by god , I will become god myself
I AM GOD .
Screw off to you guys who been taking advantages of me , FUCK OFF NOW.
Esp. you bitch , Your boyfriend see not happy ah ? COME FIND ME LAH .
FUCK YOU 2 , GO DIE AND ROT IN HELL . I DONT GIVE A SHIT .
AT MOST GO HOSPITAL OR DIE ONLY , MY LIFE DONT MEAN A SHIT.

2009-09-21T11:32:00.007+08:00

Dont say i love you for the first second and leave me the next
I should have never got with you in the first place
My life is burning out , My spirit is fading , My heart is stopping
My existence is about to end , Yet i feel nothing at all
I am sick , injured and heartbroken , I cant feel the pain nor sorrow
All alone in this world , I've been looking around
I hate you , So very much , Dont say sorry when you dont mean it
You are a nobody , Not worth my time
Yet i still do love you ... I still think of you all the time
My sickness , physical and mental conditions are all kill me at one go
But i cant be bother if i live or die
All my life , All my efforts , It was pointless , No one apprieciates afterall
I'm going to spend the rest of my days pouring my emotions into the piano
Hopefully the piano can relate my heart and soul to others ..
Or i could die playing ..

P.S. I still havent eaten ... No appetite ... my sickness was killing me , so i didnt sleep either..

- 5:11pm -

I fucking wish you die , Right now . You deserve it . You lied and lied and lied . I hope your worst nightmares come true and you'd experience sorrow the rest of your life , Go fuck wisely , timothy and sia and whoever you want to flirt with , I no longer give a shit , People ask me why do i treat you so good , Well i guess they were right , I shouldnt even have gave you the chance in the first place , Fucking die and rot in hell . You think your great ? Well your just a lying slut .
And fuck off , I dont want to have your presense in my life anymore
One day , All of you will regret
Go ahead and pray to your gods
Your gods are busy fucking around
They wont save you , Nothing will .

- 743 pm -

Oh, when you were young
Did you ever love someone
So much you couldn’t bare the thought of losing them

Well I remember the sleepless nights
When I’d lie awake
If only I could tell you how I feel

Sleepless at night
Well I remember the sleepless nights
Well I would walk around the earth
To have another chance with you
Spend the evening, paining thoughts of all you do

Have you ever loved someone?
Hard to find , Hard to love
When I’d lie awake

2009-09-20T08:32:00.007+08:00

You define our relation as a 'shit' , Tells me how much you really cared
Thank you for making my life miserable as if it wasnt enough
I hate this , every single little detail .
I'm always alone in my own world , Look left and right yet not a trail of life
You who told me all your life about issues never cared about others
What gives you the superiority over others ? Just love that's all .
I guess you forgot all the time that we shared ,
I think about it and it brings tears to my eyes ,
You pushed me away like you never even knew me ,
I miss you with my heart really and truely
I gave you my heart , You gave me sadness in return .
You said you love me for the first second and you broke up with me the next .
If you loved me as much as you said you did ,
Then you wont have hurt me like i ain't shit
You promised towards the love we had yet you broke it
Your actions deems you such that you were not worth it yet why ..
Why would one like myself fall for one such as yourself .
You should be ashamed of yourself , One day when you fall into a pit dont find me
I said this before ,
If 100 people cared for you , I'd be inside
If 10 people cared for you , I'd still be inside
if 1 person cared for you , it'd be me
If no one care for you , I'm gone .
You can go enjoy your life in eternal solitude and sadness , cause i would .
Good luck with that wisely guy too .

Screw this whole relation

- 9:43am -

I've sorted my thinking out , I guess i shouldnt and dont love you no more , Your really not worth , Your bad points are in an uber large amounts , Your redeeming quality ? it's finite only , You arent worth anything infact , Dont crawl back to me , Dont find me , dont talk to me . I dont want to see nor hear of you anymore

- 12:48pm -

Before i met you it was thy and thee
When i met you it was we and us
After i met you it was me and i
Proves your worth to me now .
You made me realise that i'm all by myself
I will forever be .

- 5:04 pm -

OVERFLOWING BLOOD , KEEP BLEEDING FOR LOVE.
LET THE BLOOD SPLATTER ALL OVER
MAY MY SOUL BE CONSUMED BY THE DEVIL
MY MORTAL BODY IS NOTHING BUT A TOOL FOR TORTURE TO SELF

2009-09-19T19:21:00.002+08:00

I fucking hate you , All of you .
Heart broke 301th time , This time i do not want any relationships .
Regardless ... I dont want to feel like a rag doll .

Fuck you to the core , You never wanted me

- 10:41 pm -

The second you left me you went to enjoy with another guy , What a slut you are , I fucking hate you . You are nothing but an impure bitch . I've gave my heart to the wrong person , You are those who deserve an early death . You think of people as your lower , I hate your character , let me tell you something , Your the lowest , you FUCKING ASSHOLE . You go find another boyfriend who gives a shit to you , see how , I dont care your wisely or whatever shit . You go back to them and suck up i regret spending even a second on you . Your not worth anything

2009-09-18T23:56:00.001+08:00

My ass hurts like hell , People who speed past red lights should kill themselves .

2009-09-16T10:07:00.006+08:00

I hate my life very much
I want to kill myself
Do not find me.

I want to tell you how much i love you , But there isnt a word to describe my love for you
I find the need to be with you every second , But we seem a million miles apart
I feel like sharing my thoughts with you , Yet we words never seem to come out
Dont get me wrong , I'm not saying it's a bad nor good thing .
I still love you , With each passing day .
Regardless of my good or bad times , I will still love you .
Each morning your the first thought that runs through my mind , Each night your the last too
You asked me why i loved you , But honestly i dont have any special answers nor reasons .
I love you cause i do love you , Without hesistation nor regrets .
But the most simple reason for all of that is , I cant find a single word , Nor phrase , to describe my love for you .
You said i was possessive , I didnt want you to feel insecure , Besides i'd feel better in that way too .
You do not understand the things i think of , The things i've experienced .
I've seen , heard , experience the sadness of life , I DO NOT HAVE THE GUTS TO LOSE YOU .
So i dont want to take the chance of losing you to another guy nor you leaving me .
I know it sounds awefully weird and sad , I dont know your reaction to this , but let me assure you .

I , Jeston Yeo , Will love you , Till the end of times .
I will not stand aside nor back down when your in need of me .
I do not care what stands in our way .
I'll be a sword to slash away your fears , A shield to protect you from all danger
I never want to see you shed a tear nor blood .
Regardless of what happens , My love , Sorry , Our love , Will always , ALWAYS , get stronger .
You are my greatest addiction , Please dont stop my addiction for you

Stefhanie , I'm yours , And your mine .

2009-09-14T17:05:00.002+08:00

- Devotion towards Stefhanie -

Be it rain , Be it sunny
I will always be there to share the moments with you
Thousands , Millions , Billions of people in this world
Yet there's only one of you , That one of you is where my heart belongs
I love you with all my heart and soul .
Our love will be of without deceite nor fabrications
The love we have is of purity and poisoned from obsession over each other
We would prove the world wrong when they think we dont belong to each other
All alone in this world with our thoughts and fear , We brought light to each other
As i have said , The love we possess is unconditional and devotional
My love for you will never cease nor fate
With each trails , With each words , With each second , Our love for each other grows stronger
We will fill the world with jealousy over us .
I love you , Stefhanie Loh , There will be nothing to break us apart
My love will not fade for you , Even after my mortal life , I will still continue loving you

Yours forever , Jestonx3Stefhanie , 090909 - 09:09pm . Unbreakable x3 Bonds

2009-09-13T11:03:00.003+08:00

Yes yes .. i know , Long time no post . Sorry about that

Well .. Let's start off with the 'happenings' in my life
I dont really think there's anything much ...

There was Stefhanie , Drama RoD , tons of random stuffs and stupidity ... I dont think anymore

I met this girl named Stefhanie Loh on 8/09/09 , Cute , sweet and funny . Well we talked and talked and well ..

09 / 09 / 09 , 09:09pm
Attached to Stefhanie

Yep , I know you want to spam my tagboard 'Congratulations Jeston!' or some sort , But i wont be able to read from my computer due to my antivirus blocking it

Anyway , I love her with all my heart , Yes i mean it , Those of you jealous and retarded TARDS out there . Dont disturb our relation tyvm . I am devoted to her , that's final

Oh and then there was RoD . I wont talk about the conflict , but it was fun on the overall , Ryan wrapped me in toliet paper which we jacked from the toliet . Can you believe we had to walk here and there just to find one ROLL OF TOLIET PAPER . Yea , jokes .

Ahhh , as predicted , nothing much to say , Oh and Stefhanie came my house like on friday :D
She was very very very cute , Man i love her (:
She got to know my grandma , maid , brother , and father i guess ? , She'd meet the whole family soon lol . Anyway ... yep

Great , nothing much to post ._.

Stefhanie loh , If your reading this , Just know that i will be yours devotionally and unconditionally , I love you with all my heart , There are people out there to break us cause of their jealous and whatever other reasons , Let's prove them wrong . (:

Yes , as usual , Gone MIA

2009-09-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

Hey!

I'm really really tired so let's do this real quick .

I got my Nlevels still going on , so yea.

So far i had my chinese and SS
Well you know my chinese ... As for Social studies , I really dont know . I wrote like mad . Then when i put my pen down , the thing just finish ! I finish in time for once! :D
I'm confident that i'll do well in SS cause i wrote pretty much O:

English tomorrow , Wish me luck .

(For people who dont know yet , My tagboard is unable to be viewed from my computer as my anti-virus block it)

2009-09-07T14:41:00.000+08:00

I'm very very agitated , I lost my Nlevel entry proof and my 60+Bucks ezlink .___.

God damn it , I'm so agitated i even submitted it to Fmylife . I cant believe it man . Why do shit like this happen to me all the time

2009-09-03T20:17:00.001+08:00

I'm drenched in sadness , Going mia ..

-1136 pm-

Everything seems so much more real now... My life , my dreams , my love...
I've lived in denial seeing on how everything was fine ... But in reality ..
Every single detail is crumbling and going to collapse ...
I've never thought about much stuffs other then my personal wellbeing ..
Apparantly i was too egoistic and deprived .. I hungered for attention even if it was bad..
i dont want anything in this world anymore , After all everything is pointless..
I feel like dying ... badly ..

2009-09-02T18:54:00.002+08:00

This sucks , Big time

I failed all my subjects , YES ALL ._.
To think i had sleepless nights and never ending studies yet i failed this is really really screwed up , Tells me alot about my results for my N levels , Shit ._.

Anyway i think i wont be sleeping anymore , I'd most probably be rushing in on my studies , And yes i know my health is declining with adverse effects due to my sleep but yea , No time to worry about my health , my studies more important , I MUST PASS MY N LEVEL DAMMIT ._. I WANT TO GO TO SEC 5

2009-09-01T20:49:00.002+08:00

Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark
For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart
To weave by picking up the pieces that remain
love's lost refrain
Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why
We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud till they unfold
In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name
A voice from the past, joining yours and mine
Adding up the layers of harmony
And so it goes, on and on
To the sky beyond the flying birds--forever and beyond
So far and away, see the bird as it flies by
Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky
I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings
Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings
In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?
Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?
If I should leave this lonely world behind
Your voice will still remember our melody
Now I know we'll carry on
Melodies of life
Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts
As long as we remember

I'd always have you in my heart , For all enternity .
Your voice , your face , your heart , Everything
Nothing will be left forgotten , nothing will fade
Everything will be picture perfect , Forever there .

I got a couple of my rants on my dad , Ever wondered how a guy can kpkb for like twenty eight minutes ? Come on man even i dont do that much ._.

Anyway yep , i've wasted my day , Done my tuition work , Portions of it only ... I hope i can finish it all , Afterall my N's are coming . So yep .
Man i miss you like hell ... I didnt know not having you for a few minutes hurts ..

Fear me , For i am the Emissasary of Darkness
I am the Harbringer of Truth , I detest your lies
I lie my way and indulge in sin to get the truth
Yet ultimately nothing seems to work nor happen
I'd want to see you once more , But i can't
I consider myself as evil but yet i dont .
I do not know why but i seem to be kind yet evil
I do not know what i want anymore ...

Oh my dearest readers i decided to get a HOT PINK braces :D

2009-09-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

MAN I CANT TAKE IT

YOUR A GUY STOP NAGGING TO ME ._.

Dont you just hate guys who nag ? I mean come on , Your a guy and you know limits for yourself , So why cant you know limits for others , You see people face agitated you still continue for fuck ? For fuck sake shut the fuck up , You seen my middle finger , Yes i dont feel remorseful over it . God your my father so stop cunting to me . I know you want me do this and that , I already replied and fucking hell shut up already . I mean seriously , Your a guy and you seek attention , To think that that's not bad enough , you distract us and you give us your craps thinking your the best . Come on , you really think you know everything ? __
Your my father , i still respect you , but fuck off seriously , I want to punch you badly .
And stop thinking you know everything to me , You either listen to me , Or else shut up , I dont want hear your comments .

My god lah ):

I miss you so much man
Each time i see you i want to hug you
Your face seems so nice to pinch
I want to hold you in my arms but ..
somehow nothing seems right
I dont know what is it i want
What i desire for .
Maybe if i find out , Other then ego-ism
I might find the reason for my living
In this crappy world

2009-08-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

Hey my ever so patient readers ! :D

I slept in around 3am , and yep

I woke up early in the morning , Had KFC breadfast o.o
Tuition teacher came over , did a random bunch of learning and talking craps .
After that i had lunch and i vommited ...
Like 3 times o.o

Anyway yep , I didnt do much today .. and not much of a mood to post so yep (:
then i went pasar malam with my brothers too ! :D
So yep , nothing much :P
Oh and i have a craving over fake shark fin , i wonder why o.o

2009-08-28T19:18:00.000+08:00

I'm back after a long long long time of not posting !

I've had my prelims , Time to reflect on the papers

English paper : Rather easy .. Not too difficult but rather challenging
English compo : IT WAS NO KICK MAN ! :D , For story i wrote 888 words , for the letter it was pretty well written

Chinese Paper : Die , sure die
Chinese compo : Slept the whole exam , Passed blank paper

Maths P1 : Done pretty well , Most likely 50+ / 80
Maths P2 : Another die one ._. , It's really hard

Geography : Pretty confident . I kept writing , However didnt have enough time to finish

Social Studies : Was ... let's not talk about it

Chemistry : I thought it'd be hard , I thought my physics is easier .. Apparantly chemistry was much easier

Physics : okok , i know how to do .. But forgot formulas

DnT : WENT LATE FOR PAPER WTF ._. My alarm clock didnt wake me up , so i woke up myself at 755 and my paper at 800 , And i got there late and the stupid guard ate more of my time by going here and there ._.

Well yea , I think i'm screwed .______.

Oh well , I've been rather rather bored , Bored of everything again

Within is written , That love is beyond words
Yet people seek way to define love in words
I've been in the darkness all this while
It's not the darkness that makes me sad
It's the denial of darkness in my heart
But yet if there's no darkness , There is no light
So how can darkness be truly evil ?
I've pondered over this over and over
Nothing seems to ring , Nothing seems to strike me
So i've come to the realisation , You need to earn everything
Love , Life , Friends , Power , Wealth .
Everything has to be earned , not by waiting
All this pondering got me nowhere yet now i've found my answer
Will this change me ? Or will i continue being the same
I'm still locked in my small little dark room am i ?
I guess not , I got plenty of trustable friends now
I'm still giving in to everything , But i'm not wasting my life away
This is what i am , This is what i want , All i'm missing out is you

So yea .

(just wondering if i've lost my philosophiscial touch , Glad i didnt)

And oh i can't see your C-box messages to me , My GENIUS antivirus go block C-box , So yea ._.

I'm contended and sad ):

I got great brothers , They're dependable and trustable , Unlike some BASTARD . Yes the whole group of you
I got a cute little girl who entertains me

Oh , and on that note , SHIT . Adele went to malaysia cause her parents wanted her to , she cant sms / talk to me till like monday , great ):

It seems like i've seem alot
Much too plenty , For someone my age
It's too much , For me at least
I dont want to be wise nor intelligent
It has of no use , No purpose .
I wish my luck change for the better
Someone who will alter my heart
Someone who will care for me
Someone who will stop this bleeding
Someone who loves me .

Well that's all , enjoy reading ! :D

2009-08-23T20:46:00.000+08:00

PRELIMS ! :D

No time to tag / talk much O:

Man i miss her like hell ! , I wish stuffs works out , I feel that stuffs between us are kind of .. Rough .

Where'd you go , I need you , Every second ...
I'm dead , All this while i was always dead
Till i met you , I saw light , I got hope to live on
Yet something is blocking me and you ..
Can we remove this barricate ? Can we change ?
Let's just sit down and stare at each other ..
While savouring the seconds of it
Million of words unspoken , billion of meaning through sight .

Gah , what am i saying .
I'm still here , Still standing .
I'm still strong , Still faithful !
Dont worry , We'd be together eventually .
I believe in fate , Even if we dont ,
We have each other in the deepest depths of our hearts

Jiayou to all for prelims :P

2009-08-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

I'm bored of life
Bored of death
Bored of studying
Bored of love

Please thrill me , Excite me like you have never did
Instill me with such a fear that i'd remember my whole life
Give me an excruciating pain that i'd never forget
Everything seems pointless now .

I feel bored , tired of everything , I'm tired of myself too .

This constant mistakes , One make one after another .
Stop this chain of hatred , agony and remorse

I have no more purpose . I want to be with her .
Please let me be with her .
I want to talk to her , But the words wont come out
We were so close , Yet nothing more then a stranger
I need her presense , Yet i cant have it .
I'm in a desperation for her touch , But it's all for naught

I'm sad , I'm sad , I'm sad .
I need death . I'm bored of life , Bored of fighting , Bored of games , Bored of flirting , Bored of everything.
Please save what's left of me , cause only you could .. If only you knew , how i felt , How much i want to be with you .. i dont pray for a future between us , just an opportunity , Let the words flow smoothly , enjoying every moment of it .. that's all

2009-08-20T16:58:00.002+08:00

Today is a boring daaaaaaaaaay...

Did some smses .. Well nothing much to say , Sleepy and moody .
Listened in class , Did some stupid game thingy , slacked , played pool , went home , slept .

Nothing much . Anyway not much of things to post ...

All this while you've been more then a person to me
I've always looked and thought of you in secrecy
Seen you as a goddess , angel and the world to me
But yet nothing seem to go right for me
Maybe it's something i did wrong , Maybe not
However i wish that it'd turn out good .
I'm living an empty shell of a life , It's too plain and boring
To that extend that ..
I'm not living , just surviving

2009-08-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

Yet another boring day .

My heart is tained darkness and sin ,
devoured by avarice and wraith
Engulfed with vengence and lust ,
Yet there's purity surrounding me

I'm a stupid guy , I just realise . I mean as it really stupid . Let me list down some

1 -

I dont mean what i say , For example if i'm 'a' and my friend is 'b'

a : i'm sad
b : whats wrong
a : -explains-
b : dont be sad
a : i want to die
b : -tries continously to not make me die or sad-
a : i still want to die

I know that i just want their concern , Somehow it gives me pleasure , Yet i do it so often , Like if i want their attention or something

A : You going already ?
B : nah , i 'll talk to you awhile longer
A : nevermind just go
B : what's wrong
A: nothing , gogo , dont talk to me

See? I dont mean what i say , I want to be chatting too , But i somehow react this way .

Man i really need a change

2 -

I randomly insult others with no link ?

I mean some .. well they do deserve it , But the others , I just insult for the sake of it , I can't comprehend my own actions , Weird right ?

3 -

IMMATURED.

>>"

Anyway yep , See i'm stupid zz

Today is a real boring day , Partially cause i didnt get to sms anyone , MUCH . I was studying like hell ... Had some chinese test , Well physics was rather simple . About the rest .. nothing much , Oh and maths . AT LAST . Something to rant about

Chenwei , yunhui , jacob and gerard was waiting for me , Cause i have not finish my maths assignment , I dazed off . Anyway i was doing the second last question , Jacob came to me and say ,
"Eh no ! , You do wrongly , Come lah noob , i help you "
So i passed him my pen , He changed my answer and later guess what ? I found out my formula and end answer were right , That idiot got it wrong .
I later went downstairs with them , I been pangseh-ing them for quite awhile , It's not good , I guess i'll slack with them tomorrow . Sorry .

Anyway i played pool after school , Nothing much to mention , I think i should really find a girlfriend and get more of a purpose in life , I'm really bored of school and all , People say it's the exams but i get the feeling it's not the exams causing it , I get the feeling it's cause i'm lonely . who knows , It's just like that . Find first then say :P

Anyway yep , I'm bored again , I guess i'll study for my exams .
And can you all please reply your smses , My god , I detest people who dont reply me for one whole day .
And i'm still missing her like mad , I guess i should really change target , Forget her . There's serveral reasons we wont be together too ..

And yay for long post

2009-08-18T12:59:00.001+08:00

Didnt go school today :P

Feel great sleeping over the period of time . I'm sick today due to some reasons . Hm . Yep.

I'm still happy over certain stuffs , I'm easily contended i believe .
-i'm contended for the awesome cookies , LOL .
-I'm contended for the nice sleep i had
- The GREAT ship ! :D , P.s. Call me noah jr.! :D
- Awesome bros . Yunhui , ron , chenwei , jacob , Wait cancel jacob , His a biscuit . LOL joking joking . Anyway yep

I'm feeling lonely , Really lonely . Somehow i feel empty again but i dont want to fall in love . It's pointless afterall . I feel that it's going to be all for naught . I'm interested in her ....... Yet i dont dare to confess neither drop hints . All i can do is get to know her better and hopefully well . Stuffs works out somehow !
haha.

Anyway yay for my laptop , My '2' and 's' key couldn't work yesterday , So i let my battery drain till dry , Then i on this morning and it's done again :D . Haha .

I wont get to do anything today , I'm getting worst by the second , I would like to see television , Maybe i will . And mannnnnnnnn... I wish that i can communicate with her more ):
Anyway yep , I still got tons of work and revision not done , So i might do it pretty soon , Hope you losers who went to school today had fun :P
And YESYESYES , TODAY DISMISS 2.45 right! , ENJOY YOUR DAY MAN , HAHAHA . :D

-later on in the day-

I've realised i'm becoming more matured and see things openly , Somewhat more amusing and entertaining yet annoying . I've stop becoming emo and suicidal and whatever . I dont know if i'm to be elated over this fact or just plain sad . It's nice to feel .. Good , But yet i feel it's really boring to not be sad >>"

I'm going to practice piano after a long thought of considerations and whatever . I'm going to break the slience in my head . I think that piano are for a good cause . They allow you to play your feelings , emotions and thoughts . It makes me relieved somehow , I know i'm weird , but haha . :D

And i've been posting short notes >>"
Ouch . And Opps :x

2009-08-17T21:33:00.000+08:00

Hey my dearest readers !

Sorry i didnt post yesterday , Doing my ship , Had tuitions , 2 infact and well ... Ate a burger king at night . Nothing much really happen .

However today !

Let's see .

I went to school , Waiting for the cookies that megan baked for me !~ :D
School was studying and more studying , I paid attention and did my work , I learn quite a few stuffs from jacob today . Mainly from muai thai , And well it's powerful . Makes me realise a few stuffs in fighting and my mistakes . JESTON ! NEED TO TRAIN TO BE NIMBLE BODY ! O:

Anyway after school , I slacked with ron and jacob at canteen for that teensy little minutes . Then well , megan called , I went to tampines to meet her , Then i took a bus . Took all the way to her school and alighted . And well i kinda made a few mistakes , So i went off 4 stops earlier ! Then i walked the remaining 4 stops , Then i met her later :O

Well my first impression of her was cute and short i guess . Sorry :x
Anyway we went to meet the rest of her friends , slacked awhile and chatted . Then well she passed me the cookies . I found her friends and her rather funny and adorable . They know how to entertain an antisocial guy haha . I went home later and ate the cookies . They tasted great (:

2009-08-15T22:06:00.002+08:00

Shit i can't post photos , The cool photos of me and my ship ):

Oh well . I've spend one whole day at that ship , I'm going to study now (:

And i just realised i hate people calling me handsome and cool , It makes me really really agitated somehow ...

2009-08-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

Heeeeeey my dear readers .

Anyway nothing much to talk about today . I'll just talk about it :D

Anyway no more philosophies , I should really learn to be matured .

Let's see i did studies , DnT , Play pool and had drama , That bloody elson spray body spray into my eyes twice ._________.

That's all

2009-08-13T17:40:00.002+08:00

Stop lying
Stop lying
Stop lying to me
Stop all this crap

I dont like you
You dont like me
So what's the use of continuing ?

I'm bored of everything
Bored of being a failure
Bored of being a perfectionist
Bored of life .

Today didnt do much sadly , Although after school i went to go play pool , I won total of 9 times , 8 Consecutives one . Not bragging , Just saying . Anyway nothing much that i want to post , Might stop posting daily too . Need to study .______.
Anyway yep . That idiot FINALLY stare back at me . ( To him ) you want tio just tio . Dont waste my time and money talking to you , The time for talking was long over .

Stop all this false pretense in my presense

2009-08-12T22:13:00.000+08:00

I wont post today due to some reasons , AND YAY DNT IS FINALLY OVER

2009-08-12T01:16:00.002+08:00

Havent slept yet (:

I only wanted you to save me ,
But you couldnt .
I wanted your care to shower me ,
Yet it ran short
I wanted your love .
But it guess it's all over

I give up all this crap relations and stuffs , And well . Yep (:

I'm still in the midst of rushing for my DnT , Tired , Been working non-stop , I need a break , Nose bleed and vommiting blood again , My body is super heaty , I not eating anything to get better though , No mood to =/

And i pray , REALLY PRAY i dont need say TAMPO NIA , LET ME FINISH .
If i do say that , Means i'm screwed tml ._____.
Wish me luck finish over night .__________________.

2009-08-11T17:35:00.003+08:00

NO TIME TO BLOG OMG .

Tons to say but i''ll do it short and sweet .

I only want sympathy in the form of you
Yet all i ever got was your cold shoulder
I wanted to crawl into bed with you by my side
But all i ever got was your insults

This world sucks , I realised i'm living everday just for the sake of living , I need a purpose in life real soon . I wont go into much details of my day .

Just know that i'm freaking busy , If you need contact , sms me or call me , I'll reply you later . I need to stay up overnight for a pathetic reason . Fuck it . I need 4 months , Not 1 night .______.

2009-08-10T13:16:00.002+08:00

Sorry my dear readers!

Didnt get to post yesterday .

Anyway here goes .

I didnt do much yesterday , I went out later to meet harry and jacob to do my DnT folio , We chatted and so on . I realised most of our DnT students cant be ... How do i put it in words , Trusted . As in some wants to play prank , Some wants to talk , Some wants to do so on , But yep , So only a handful , and the worst part is most of them doesnt have night life .

After going mac , I went to ron's house , there i met serveral others . Wont state names (:

We did a little boxing , Endurance training(for me) , Block catching and Carpark catching , Lol , Let me tell you it's fun like hell , We played till around 3++am before i went home . I got scolded like crap again . Oh well .

It's like me and you never knew each other
You did yours , While i did mine
We never seem to speak anymore
Yet in our hearts , Words came abundant

Yes it's to you , Stop wasting your time , If you want to talk dont hesistate.

I'll post later i think . If there's anything to rant or post about

OH SHIT MY DNT DEADLINE IS ON THIS WEEK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2009-08-08T19:57:00.002+08:00

- 757 pm -

I'm surprised so many people are concerned for me , I feel happy somewhat and somehow .

Sorry for those i've ... You know , Sorry ):

Anyway ... I've been alone , I've been sad , Somehow i converted my sorrow and loneliness to happiness .. feels weird and sadistic . But it worked ..

I really hope that she'll accept me for who i am blahblah , I wont talk much today .

Just 1 question to all my readers .

How do you live on with your life , Knowing it's sure death in the end ?

Here's my answer for you , It's the memories . The memories of everything you , me or anyone ever did , Pleasant , sad , Angry , or guilty . I makes us , Us . So yes , We'll make stuff happy .

And people who dua others , You should watch Yesman , You want to die alone and sad , Go ahead . Yes you fucking bastard caucasian

2009-08-07T01:21:00.005+08:00

- 122am -

First night of excessive studying .

Nothing really much happened , I'd like to thank my bros for being there for me
-Yunhui
-Ron
-Jacob
-Chenwei

I want to post a thousand words , But i guess i'll just keep them in my heart .
I feel very sad and depressed . I've not sms-ed today , It seems really really boring ._____.

- 418am -

I decided not to sleep anymore , I know that my organs are weak due to my insomnia , I know i'm dying due to it , But i dont care anymore . No one cares for me anyway .

I feel very lonely and sad , Afterall , Your concerns for me were all facade , You said you cared . You all . Everyone of you , Yet how many of you actually did .

I dont want to comment at it anymore , I find no reason to do so anymore . I hate myself , i hate my life . I feel like suiciding again . I'm glad i feel suicidal again somehow .

- 103pm -

Sometimes I feel like I'm from another world,
And everything I want in life seems impossible.
Cause people they'll tear you apart.
But in the bottom of our hearts,
The dream's alive inside.
And we won't forget

I feel alone , Devastated , Everyone is running from me , Even the sky turns dark upon the sight of it . It's raining , It's dark , It's cold .. There's a engulfing sense of insanity and death all over . Yet no one realises it .

I want someone to hear me out , Someone to save me , I know it's stupid and unthinkable . I'm unwilling to save myself yet i request the assistance of another . Can someone just save me please ?.. Oh wait i forgot , I'm all alone in this world of mine , I look left , up , right , and down , It's all pitch black , There isn't a glimpse of light .
I'm not satisfied with where i am in life . Am i suppose to be happy ? All i ever wanted , It comes with a price . Nothing came purely from the heart , you promised you be you forever , You changed . And when i did you said i change . When you was sad , I'd try my best to give in , Even when i was to , When i was sad , You just flicked me off at the first try .
I'm not complaining , I'm not sad , Neither am i contended with anything .
I just feel happy at the fact that i feel suicidal . Makes me .. feel like me again .
I want to end this , All this bullshits.

Family - You said you care , You know what's best , You thought you know what's good for me .
Guess what , Your dead wrong .

Friends - Stop your false pretense in my presense , I hate whenever you lie to me . Your just waiting to stab me right in my face . Dont pretend your there when your not .

Love - Never once worked for me , All the numerous attempts

Hatred - Stop making me feel in agony , I want to end this .

I would like to stop vommiting blood too .____.
I feel freaking tired , I want to sleep , Yet i dont have the mood to

- 11:22 pm -

Last post for today .

I've been wasting my day , I wont be tomorrow .
I've come to a conclusion , To end all this anger which resides in my heart
To end the sorrow and loneliness comsuming me , I am willing to end my life .

I've come to think , That all this , Was all for naught , Everything is for naught , so i decided . In this world Nothing has a point . NOTHING .

I've asked this question to tons of people

Should i ..
Turn heartless , Forget all everything , Become what i truely am
Or ..
Live in pretense and listen and give in to everyone while pretending to be happy ?

The most common answer is 1st option , So i too have decided , Since i have already reached that point . I wont care , There isnt a need for love , There isnt a need for sorrow , Pity , Anguish , Wraith , Nothing matters . It's all just blank , Just like a white piece of paper , Nothing .

If your going to destest my new attitude , It's your problem , Suck it up and get lost . I dont care . I've cared for everyone way too much . All i ever get is crap . It's time i started to be the way i am .

2009-08-05T13:17:00.001+08:00

- 117 pm -

Let's stop this heathen chemistry between us .
The sound of revenge still fuels my life .
Still trapped alone in a dark room
So dont you fake it , No one ever cared

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don't put out the glow
Hold me now, don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become
Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Send in this beautiful loneliness that's tragical
So help me I can't win this war
Be with me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart...
I'm looking back on the things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'm sorry to keep you in the dark

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
why here tonight
And I can’t STAND the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t STAND the pain
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
Everybody else is screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
I’m sick of this life
How could this happen to me

Keep receiting this lines in my head , Somehow nothing seems to works out , everything is getting worst by the minutes . Can someone stop it ? Can someone save me ? I really need someone now .. Yet i feel all alone .. I gave up on relations and trust .. Yet in the deepest , darkest corners of my heart i still think of you .. Grasping on to your touch , voice , scent .. Everything . Yet i dont feel .. I have to leave you for the better ..

This has happened so many times , Why doesnt the cycle stop ? When my maid left me , For the last 3 months i treated her as coldly as i could so our relation wont be so close , and i wont feel hurt when she is gone , Yet somehow it work , But i feel depress .. I dont want to experience such stuffs . Why doesnt anyone understands me ? People say i'm predictable , i am brainless and stuffs , Yet why is it so hard to know me ? I feel sad . Really really sad .. I really need someone there for me , I'm crying my heart out . Yet nothing seems to happen , Everytime it just get worst ..

And if your wondering why my blog is so emo , There's a reason why it's called forlorned-memories ... Somehow nothing of my memory seems to be nice , new , old , present , Doesnt matter the time frame , Somehow nothing seems to work out . I dont know what to do anymore . I feel that this is the end somehow , Nothing seems to work out .

Today i had my Chinese paper , For compo .. I slept through the 2 hours , I went to sleep , had a really really ... Dark dream , something i was never suppose to dream of ... woke up when there was 3 minutes left , wrote my name and question number , then pass up , I went to slack awhile , Then i went for paper 2 , I wrote quite alot despite the fact i didnt know what i was doing . I came home and i'd be going out later .

My friends ... I dont know if i could trust them i feel betrayed by everyone , Yet i know they wont . I'm trying my best to let go of my past yet everything seems to come back somehow

I keep my distance yet somehow you seem to catch my attention , I feel like a fool ..
Call me whatever you please , Yet somehow i can't deny the fact of it ..
I feel distraughted by the facts of my life , But i seem to be doing nothing about it..
I kind of thought that i was the best ... but life doesnt permit me to be .. I dont know anything anymore . I just feel really really tired of this thing , Why can't i suicide ?.. Something seem to be stopping me somehow ..

Stop the pain please
I beseech you , I dont care what you do .. It hurts so badly . I need you there .. But i cant have you .. I've cried my heart out too many times .. I'm hurt , alone and sad .. I really dont know what to do , I'm puzzled .. Save me from this dark room .. I cant breathe . I cant see myself , Dont let the light fade away please .. Stay there ... Nothing seems to work .. So dont destroy my pillar of light ...

2009-08-04T15:45:00.003+08:00

- 345pm -

Someone stop me from all this , I can't do it myself...
I need a change from this burnout scene .

Somehow i feel contented , I feel welcomed , I feel secure .. Yet there's something missing in my life .

I think .. I fell for you unintentionally , I could not help it .
I feel the need to be near you , to know you .
Yet i'm stranded from you
I feel the need to communicate with you .
Yet we're drifting further apart with each attempt

Today was a really really boring day , as usual . I think, I THINK. I dont know nothing , i'm interested in someone but i know she isnt in me , obviously . Doesnt matter .

Today was the first day of my prelims , It was english Comprehension and Composition , For the first half of the day , we did composition , There was 5 questions for part 1 , I chose the first question which was ... something about a bad experience , I wrote about a really really unlucky day . Somehow unfolding into the future . Anyway i wrote 888 words apparantly , Word limit was 250 ~ 400 though , Dont worry . It's alright to overwrite , But marks are deducted for lesser words . Anyway i did pretty well i guess . Plenty to write , next was a formal letter to an organization for a donation , So i did my stuffs . I think i got it right , Somehow everyone seems to be writing the old format , I hope they do the new O level format , And yes i'm nlevel , But i study Olevels . Anyway it was recess , didnt do anything much , Then it was paper again , then i did my stuffs . Got sleepy half-way , Tried to finish as fast as i could , then i went to sleep , Hopefully i can pass .

I've been dreaming of you , Can i stop thinking of you ?
I hardly doubt so , I know it's weird but i somehow .. nothing i , I dont really know how to express myself .

Anyway sorry if i've been showing anyone attitude , Just be friendly to me and i'll be friendly with you . I dont like being that kind guy that you once knew , You took advantage of me , All of you , I'm not your punching bag , I'm a superior being , Someone above all others , So stop belittling me . I wont take your crap , And you , One more time you want fuck with me , just that one more time , I'm really pissed off with you already , Dont make me snap . I wont give you face no more , I said this once , You stop touching me . I dont like your presence around me . I hate you . You think you very cute ? You think you very macho ? You got friends first or not . zz . Yes your in my class one , Dont ask around when you know it's you

I've stranded from the world , I'm alone in a room , It's dark and crampy , I'm hiding in the corner to avoid everyone . I cant see my hands , i look around , it's pitch black , Will you save me ? Hey stranger , welcome to my world , Stay awhile longer will you ? Your leaving now ? oh it's okay , you can leave , that's what everyone does anyway . I need someone to save me from this room , I need someone to bring me out , Yet all everyone . Every single being that i met , You failed to do so , You made me feel worst . Every single one of you . I'm lonely again , No one will come . knock knock at my door , Yet no one enters .

I've been living in a delusion , I hope to come into reality , Yet reality hurt so much . It hits you over and over , I want to run from all this , I dont know why something is holding me back from ending this . I hate this world . I hate everything . Nothing is good . Nothing is perfect ...

I really need you here with me , where are you my angel .... come soon will you ? i'm still waiting ...

- 455pm -

Yet again i feel much worst , I dont know why , I reallly do feel very very sad , I will be going out with devion and his friends to smoke and drink zzzz ... I really feel that , My life has no happiness , It's not permitted somehow . I want to slit my wrist , I feel the need for it ... See my mood later . I want to train my body more somehow , Faster recover all my wounds and scar , Then i can get back on my foot and train ... I hate this world , Everything is about power .

2009-08-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

I've been wondering why i've been sad . I know the fact that i'm stress and sad , That's all , Sometimes i have my reasons , Yet something i do not have one , But still i feel sad .

Mariko answer my question somehow , I think it's true too . I've been trying my life to attain perfection yet i'm nowhere near it , And somehow i can never seem to be near it i'm sad , And since perfection is impossible i can't possibly be happy .. I dont know , I know imperfection identifies a certain person character , But i just dont want to be one .

I've been in search my whole life , I've tried to improve , But everything seems to be to no avail

Sit in pretence, and convince yourself you're not in despair.
Wake up in agony and you desperately make friends with your shadow.
Your shadow's your only audacious move to reality.

Somehow i dont know , I know i have friends , But i still feel lonely .
When i have love with me , I feel sad somewhere deep inside me
When i have wealth , Nothing seems to work out for me

Somehow everything is against me , I do not know what i want nor know what to do ..

I've been studying today anyway , And i went over to ron's house and went out for some stuffs .. That's all , Nothing much . I really really hope that i can purge this world of the sins and evil it consist of . Even if i have to die for it , At least it's a noble cause

2009-08-02T22:48:00.000+08:00

Today was a tiring day . End .

Nah just joking , Anyway it was tuition and more tuition , i wont talk about it .. It's really bothersome . ):

You who have hurt my pride , Dont expect to walk away scotfree
For you will never know , When you will need me
You who tain your hands in evil itself , To inflict harm upon me
Will never get to see daylight it your life .

I dont want to make stuffs hard . Let's just summarise down my life

I need love , i need a girlfriend
I've search high and low , Far and wide
Yet there isnt the one for me yet
Where are you my other half , Wont you appear before me yet?
I feel sad , betrayal are my daily meals .
You who was once my kin , now my foe .
I feed agitated , No one knows , no one understands
Yet everyone wears a mask , To hide their true self .
An ice berg shows only 10% of it's top , 90% is hidden under water
What's the need for hiding ?
I need my pride , I need my love , I need my life .
I hope everything turns out right , Yet it gets dead wrong